


Not So Far Beyond the Stars

by cool_ha_ha



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Episode: s06e13 Far Beyond the Stars Setting, Bittersweet Ending, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Racism, Post-Episode: s06e13 Far Beyond the Stars, Safer Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29477613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cool_ha_ha/pseuds/cool_ha_ha
Summary: Far beyond the stars episode, but Benny's subplot is from the other characters point of view.Jimmy meets some short Newsvendor and things gradually escalate.- Slight canon divergence
Relationships: Nog/Jake Sisko
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	1. Lets break the law

**Author's Note:**

> This whole story covers some very heavy subjects and I'm presenting a warning now. If any of the subjects in the tags upset you, please avoid this story. The arguments presented in this come from some actualy racists and homophobes in my life, and in a way this is my argument to them. We have come a very long way from the 1950's and we are glad to celebrate these victories.

Jimmy shook his head and chewed his gum as he watched poor Benny walk to work. Poor guy, he thinks. Trying to sell a story about people on the moon. He laughs. People who are apparently colour blind. The world’s a crazy place right now. He swaggers to a lamp post and leans casually, looking for some poor sucker with extra cash. If he can’t pick their pockets, he can at least try to sell them something he did steal.

He spots a lady. Heels. Expensive bag. Fur on the coat. Perfect. He pounces into action and sly's his way into conversation. “Hello pretty lady.”  
She turns her nose up at him.  
Before she can turn away, he keeps talking. “You got a mister to buy for?”  
She looks offended.  
“I’ll bet such a lucky guy showers the pretty lady in gifts huh?” He gives her a convincing side smile. “Did he buy you this coat?”

Before she can answer, someone whistles in their direction. They both turn to the newsvendor just across from them.  
“Watch your purse, ma’am.” He calls.  
She steps back and quickly walks away.  
The street vendor smiles to himself and continues doing his job.

Jimmy was one sentence away from selling her a watch. Knowing it was a man's watch, he planned on her buying it for someone else. But this smug little street vendor thinks he can steal his potential customers, does he? Jimmy straightens up. “Hey!” He calls.  
The man ignores him.  
Jimmy marches over. “Hey, are you deaf!”  
The vendor turns his attention to him. “Can I help you sir?”  
Jimmy pokes the little man in the chest. “Yeah. Keep your nose outta my business.”

The man scoffs. “Or what? You’ll call the police? Fat chance.” He smiles smugly and turns to carry on with his job.  
Jimmy sees red. “Listen here, smart aleck -”  
“Hey, I’m just tryna protect my business. I don’t need your types, coming around here, scaring off good people-”  
Jimmy grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back. “My type!”  
The man said it slowly and threateningly. “Criminal. Types.”

Jimmy didn’t have an answer.  
The little man knew that. He pulled himself out of his grip.  
Jimmy stood there, coming down from his angry little tirade.  
The news guy looked him up and down. “You got a family?”  
Jimmy shook his head.  
The news guy nodded. “Don’t wanna drag a lady into your line of work, huh?”  
“No.” He pulled his jack straight. “Just ain't found the right one yet.”

They both stood feeling awkward. Like there was more to be said, but there wasn’t.  
The vendor nodded. “Hey, wanna get a drink?”  
Jimmy had no reason to say no. He just nodded. Who doesn’t want a drink.  
The little man pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, fella, I’m payin’.” He led him down the street.

*  
Benny gets into the office. The crew are all discussing their latest stories. The discussion has become more of a competition since he walked in. Herb is unusually quiet.

Doug came out of his office. “Herb. A word?”  
Herb sighed. The rest of the room tut playfully as Herb marches himself to the office.

“What do you think he did?” Albert asks quietly.  
Julius answers. “He’s been trying to push some very risque material through recently. Probably finally caught up with him.”  
Kay scoffs. “I’ve heard it’s a little more than risque. I looked over at his typewriter the other day and saw the word ‘tendrils’. Don’t ask me what they were doing. I don’t care to find out.”

In the office, Herb stands with a face like thunder.  
Doug sighs, “What's gotten into you recently?”  
“What did I do?”  
Doug pulled up the paper. “Your scene describes a sentient liquid with a fascination about humanoid life, then you go on to describe something borderline sexual between it and the main character.”  
Herb shrugs. “This is just rough. What parts can I keep, and why can’t I keep the rest?”

Doug sighs. “I have no idea.” He takes his glasses off. “Sometimes I think you write these things to torture me. Do you enjoy making me suffer?”  
“Yes. Yes I do.” He says plainly.  
Doug restrains himself. “If you want the liquid thing to be a character, it needs a human form. As for its exploration of .. the character, please tone it down, or simply imply. I’d like to see where this is going.” He hands the paper back to Herb.  
He angrily takes it back.

*

They ended up in a fairly popular bar. As promised, he bought him a drink. Not much was said at first. Jimmy wasn’t sure how he got here. It all happened so fast. One minute he was chatting with some chick in fur, the next he’s sharing a drink with some random news boy.  
The other man sighed. “Ey, listen, guy. I didn’t mean nothing earlier when I said ‘your types’. But you know how it is. Crime rate goes up and business goes down. Wasn’t nothing personal.”  
Jimmy shrugged. “Well, apology accepted. You didn’t have to buy me a drink to say sorry.”  
“I just thought we might have had more in common than you think.”

Jimmy looked over at the little man next to him. What could they possibly have in common?  
He suddenly cheered up and offered his hand. “Name’s Nicky.”  
Jimmy took it. “Jimmy.”

They continued to sit awkwardly.  
Nicky tried for conversation. “So how’d you end up in this .. line of work?”  
“You’re awful interested in my business tactics.”  
He sighs. “What do you want me to ask about, huh?”  
Jimmy looks around. “I dunno. Lets try an easy one. You got much in the way of family?”  
“Not around here, I don’t.”  
“Yeah. Same.” 

Nicky cocked his head. “What happened?”  
He waves his drink around. “I got nasty with ‘em. They didn’t like my life choices. The second I had some cash coming in, I got outta there, never looked back.”  
Nicky nods. “Other way around. I had big dreams. They didn’t. I moved looking for opportunities. Ended up here.”  
Jimmy nudges him. “Ey, if you can make it here-”  
“You can make it anywhere.” He offers his glass.  
Jimmy taps them together.

Nicky down his drink. “Hey, I gotta get back to the stand, but maybe you drop by again if you got time.”  
Jimmy nods. “Yeah. I’ll see my hours permit it.”  
Nicky rolls his eyes. “See ya around.” He pats him again and leaves him in the bar.

*

That evening, Jimmy found Nicky as he was closing up. The two of them found a spot at the bar and got rambling very quickly.  
“Like all I’m sayin’ is that we have laws for a reason.” Nicky drank.  
Jimmy sat back casually. “And I’ll I’m saying is that we wouldn’t need ‘em if people didn’t have to break the law to get by.”  
Nicky leaned in. “Those laws aren’t meant to hinder anyone. They’re meant to protect everyone.”  
Jimmy huffed sarcastically. “If only they did protect everyone.”  
Nicky scoffed. “I don’t see you contributing to anyone's protection. Not even your own.”  
“I can make my own mistakes. Not my fault other people make it so easy.”

Nicky frowned. “I can’t imagine you liked getting swindled yourself.”  
“Pft. Happens enough that I just got used to it. Dog eat dog world.”  
Nicky cocked his head. “But can’t you imagine a world where that's not the case. A place where that kind of behavior just ain’t tolerated?”  
Jimmy gave him a look. “A dictatorship?”  
Nicky groaned. “No. A world where anyone can do the work they want. Where crime wouldn’t be necessary. Where you wouldn’t be scared of words like ‘your type’.”

Jimmy laughed. “You sound as crazy as Benny.”  
“Benny? The writer?”  
“Yeah. He’s trying to get this story about a black captain running a space station full of aliens off the ground.”  
“That doesn't sound crazy. What difference does it make that he’s black?”  
Jimmy shook his head. “I can’t even sit on the bus without getting in trouble. Can you imagine that kind of behaviour in space, huh?” 

Nicky laughed. “Maybe it’d give us some perspective. Seeing green people, or people with weird cultures. Can’t argue for superiority when you’re the new kid on the block as a species.”  
Jimmy laughed. “Knowing Humans, we’d probably stop subjugating each other and start subjugating the green people.”  
“Or the green people would subjugate us?”  
Jimmy snaps his fingers. “Now that, I would read.”  
“You should drop the idea by Benny. And if doesn’t want it, let one of his guys take it.”  
“You know, I think I will.”

*

The next morning. Benny’s office is as lively as ever. Douglas stands in his doorway. He nods Herb in his direction.  
Everyone else goes “Ooooooo….”

The door closes behind him.

Doug and Herb stand in silence giving each other dead eyes. “Would you like to explain yourself?”  
“What? I gave the sentient liquid a form, and made a love story.”  
Doug is almost disgusted with him. “You made the liquid male!”  
“No, that's just it’s form. It can be a cat, or a book, or a plant.”  
Doug pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sure you're just messing with me.” He looks up angrily. “The scene describes the men .. touching and …” Doug cringes.  
Herb folds his arms. “So you were more okay with the liquid touching up the main character, but not if the liquid choses to be a man?”

“Herb, it’s wrong. You almost sound encouraging of such behaviours.”  
“It’s not real. The context isn’t sexual. The goo creature has a form. What more do you want from me?”  
Doug sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’m the editor. It’s my job to check what you write is appropriate and well written, not to come up with plot points to solve the issue.”  
Herb tapped the desk. “What if I gender swapped the main character? Made him a woman?”  
“It’d make more sense to gender swap the liquid.”  
“What if the liquid kept changing sexes?”  
“Too far. It’ll confuse the audience.”  
“But a sentient liquid is realistic enough?”  
“Herb, it’s a shapeshifter. It captures the public imagination without alienating them. Don’t push it.”  
Herb sighs. “Fine. The shapeshifter is a she now.” He takes his paper and storms out.

*

That evening, Nicky waited by the stand. He didn’t plan to see Jimmy again, but it’d be nice if he did. Then out of the shadows came a tall man wearing a beret and light waistcoat. Nicky smiles. “Wondering where you’d gotten off to.”  
Jimmy waves the comment away. “Don’t trouble ya self thinking about it too hard.”  
They start walking. “Getting yourself into trouble then I see?”  
“As if I’d be anywhere else.”  
Nicky smiled and led then to their new hang out.

Several drinks later, the two were back in conversation.

“Right, so alcohol is legal, and that causes damage-” Jimmy waved his drink around to prove a point.  
Nicky interrupted him. “But it’s not addictive.”  
“Cigarettes are. They’re legal.”  
Nicky fell back into his seat. “How would you get by in a day without some form of stress relief?”  
Jimmy countered. “But the government gets to choose what form of stress relief I use?”  
“Tobacco must be less dangerous or somethin’.”

Jimmy laughed. “So if we ever discover a safer form of stress relief than tobacco, you’d suggest we swap it out for that?”  
Nicky nodded while he thought about it. “Yeah. If only such a thing existed.”  
“Until then.” Jimmy took a swig of his drink.  
Nicky sipped his. 

The two of them went very quiet.

Nicky tried again. “So while we’re solving the world's problems, what else would you change?”  
Jimmy laughed. “Well, I already disagree with drug charges. We already discussed petty theft.” Jimmy thought through all the laws he could.  
Nicky kept his voice low. “What about societal norms? Things one peoples might find disturbing that another might be completely accepting of?”  
Jimmy looked uncomfortable. “Like cannibalism or somethin’?”  
Nicky burst into laughter. “Not where I was goin’ with it, but sure. Why not?”  
Jimmy sniggered. 

Nicky played devil's advocate. “So let's say some culture somewhere had found a safe way to eat people. People who didn’t mind being eaten. Would you argue with that?”  
Jimmy’s mouth twisted. “You first.”  
Nicky thought about it. “Hypothetically, I think it would entirely depend on what it looked like.”  
Jimmy tapped his glass, now curious.  
Nicky caught the look in his eyes. “I mean, you wouldn’t eat a burger if you could still see the cow parts, right?”  
Jimmy nodded. “So, you’d probably eat a people burger?”  
Nicky laughed. “You think it’d taste good?”  
Jimmy laughed. “Probably not. Needs half a bottle of ketchup to be even remotely tasty.”  
Nicky laughed more. “They pad it out with chicken because it’s cheaper.”  
“And tastes better.”  
They both continue to laugh for a while longer.

“If some had asked me what I’d be doin tonight, this would have not been on the list.” Jimmy smiles at his glass.  
Nicky nods. “Feels good to talk to a friend though.”  
“Sure does.” He clinks their glasses together.


	2. Banter and Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herb keeps pushing his story.
> 
> Nicky and Jimmy get to know each other a little better.

Kay has been peeking over at Herbs desk all morning. Julius nods her over. She tries to nod him over. Benny stays out of it. He’s in the zone right now. Albert says it. “Hey Herb?”  
The rest of the room goes quiet.  
“Whatcha workin’ on?”  
Herb looks up. “What’s he told you?”  
“Who?”  
“Douglas. Who else?”  
Albert looks nervous. “Ur.. Nothing. We just noticed he’s been callin’ you in a lot lately..”  
Herb huffs. “He just likes being awkward.”

Kay leans to look at his typewriter.  
Herb gives her a concerned look.  
She leans back toward her desk.  
Herb looks at all the other expectant faces. “What?”  
Julius speaks up. “It’s either really good news, or really bad news Herb, we’re curious as to what has piqued his interest.”  
“Let's be honest, it doesn’t take much for him to pick on me, does it.”  
Kay spoke. “You want me to try and present it? He never pulls me up.”  
Herb tapped. “No, but you could do me a favour.”  
“Shoot.”  
“Can you read this and gimme notes?”  
“Sure, send it over.”  
Herb smiles to himself.

*

Benny drops by the cafe to see Cassie. Jimmy finds him easily enough. He wanted to give him the idea he and Nicky came up with. He’s still going on about Douglas rejecting his idea simply because the main character is the wrong colour. Jimmy rolls his eyes and gives his pessimistic take on all this.

When Benny does get to work, Herb is going over all Kay’s notes. He is already drawing up new ideas.

Meanwhile, Jimmy wanders back to the newsvendor.  
Nicky spots him. “Hey. Keep those hands where I can see ‘em.” He shouts.  
Jimmy rolls his eyes and raises his hands. “Don’t worry, they’ve only been in my pockets today.” He skips over.  
“Well I don’t like a guy with your reputation on my turf. Bad for business.” He smiles at him.  
Jimmy giggles. “My reputation ain’t bad. Bet you got some skeletons in the closet though?”  
“Pft, wouldn’t you like to know?”  
The laughs continue.

When finally calms down. “Are we going drinkin’ tonight?”  
Nicky pulls a face. “Ah .. I dunno. Costin’ me a small fortune.”  
Jimmy nods. “Then, maybe we go somewhere that ain’t gonna cost an arm or a leg?”  
Nicky thought about it. “You wanna come to mine? I got dogs, but I’m sure you’ll get along.”  
Jimmy smiled. “Sure, I stay for a couple o’ hours.”  
“Great. See ya after hours, huh?”  
Jimmy starts walking away. “If I’m not here, the law got me first.”  
“Hey, stay outta trouble.”  
Jimmy laughed as he sauntered away.

When night did come, Nicky walked him to the lowest floor of a big house made into flats. They were basically underground.

As they entered, a huge german shepherd jumped up. Nicky rubbed along the dog's sides and walked it backwards into the room. “You wanna go outside, huh, you wanna get some fresh air?” He said to the dog.  
Jimmy laughed as he let it out the back door.  
Nicky looked around for the other one. A big fluffy snow dog of sorts chained to a post in the yard. “Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’ you stupid mutt.” He unhooked it and it jumped up, taller than the little man, nearly knocking him over.

“You had ‘em long?”  
Nicky launched a stick that both dogs ran halfway down the street for. “Oh yeah. Found ‘em when I moved in. I think their old owner used to live here and they must’a gotten left behind.”  
“Damn, poor little bastards.” The dogs came hurtling back.  
“Pft, little. They eat more than I do, they take up most of my bed, they need to walk around half the city before they get tired-” He dragged the stick off the German shepherd and launched it again. “But I’d have ‘em no other way.”  
Jimmy clapped his shoulder. “World needs more good guys like you.”

Nicky tapped his hand back in agreement. “Here. I’ll show ya inside. Those two need the space.” He walks him back inside. “They’ll scratch when they wanna come back in.”  
Jimmy looks around. It’s very basic here. Mostly soft furnishings and the essential cooking equipment most homes would have. “You get many visitors?”  
Nicky rearranged a few pillows. “No. Not many that come back anyway.” He smiles to himself. Jimmy gives him a weird look. “Did you wanna drink?” Nicky continues.  
“Sure, what you got?”  
Nicky went through the cupboards and threw him a bottle. Jimmy nodded and accepted.

They both sat on the couch and relaxed.   
Nicky laughed. “So which laws are we hypothetically breaking today?”  
“Pft, hypothetically.”  
Nicky nudged him.  
Jimmy laughed. “Alright, alright. Ur .. Adultery. Under what circumstances, can a guy cheat?”  
Nickly leaned back. “Why is he sleeping around if she can’t?”  
“Fine. Why would any happy couple cheat, and get away with it?” He drank.  
Nicky looked to the corner of his eye for an answer. “What if … They weren’t a couple? What if - What if there were lots of couples, but who shared each other?” Nick said proudly.

Jimmy scoffed. “Yeah treat her like property and share her. Nothing gets ‘em going like handin’ em out.”  
Nicky huffed. “Not like that. Like, she has the choice to add to the relationship, or just go off with someone of her choosing for the night. And so does he.”  
Jimmy frowned. “What about kids? How does that work if they have a family?”  
“Maybe she has several mens children, and several women have his children.” He raises his bottle proudly.  
Jimmy leans over. “What if one of you doesn’t like it? Say, she doesn’t want him sharing, but she still wants to be free to do as she pleases?”  
Nicky leaned on his fist. He wasn’t sure. “Maybe she’ll find a guy with some .. specific kink or somethin’ and he likes seeing her with different guys, but has no interest in other people?”

Jimmy can only agree with his thought process. “It would fix a lot of jealousy. People would be more open about their feelings and what they find attractive.”  
Nicky nods. “Right. So you can like people for different reasons and break ups don’t leave people alone, even if they still hurt.”  
Jimmy smiles. “I like the idea of lots of pretty girls spending time with me, keeping themselves busy with other guys when I’m busy with other girls.”  
Nicky smiles back. “Guys with alotta girls must be keepers.”  
Jimmy laughs. “Guys with no girls are even avoided by other guys.”

Nicky pushes the boat out. “Maybe he doesn’t want female attention.”  
“Nicky, that's weird.”  
“Why is it? In a world where anyone can be with as many people as they want, why is two guys too far?”  
“Because - Because - How would that even work?”  
Nicky pulls a face. “Do you really want the answer to that?”  
“You know what, I don’t.”  
Nicky looks at his drink. “No one said they needed to have sex anyway. Maybe it’s not like that.”  
Jimmy made a half hearted laugh.

Nicky swallowed. “I should get the boys.”  
“Boys?”  
He stood up. “The dogs?”  
“Oh! Right.”  
Nicky laughed and opened the door. “Getting dark out.” He said as the dogs came bouncing in, unsure who to go to first.  
Jimmy strokes one. “I can head out if you had things to do?”  
“No, no, don’t leave on my behalf. Unless you gotta be somewhere.”

Jimmy swallowed. “Yeah, I got some time.”  
Nicky let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He sat back down. “Did you wanna keep talking? I like this new, lawless world we’re building.”  
Jimmy smiled. “Sure. Explain to me, in a world where any man and any woman can have each other, regardless of responsibility, why would any guys pair up?”  
Nicky swung his drink around a bit. “Because he’s into it.”  
“So at least one of them likes both huh?”  
He smiled. “Yeah. And while we’re at it, some of the girls are at it too.” He drank.  
Jimmy snapped his finger. “Now that, I like.”

*

Doug and Herb were having another standoff.

Doug cocked his head. “Tell me this is a joke?”  
Herb folded his arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
Doug threw his story at him. “You made both the shapeshifter and the main character female!”  
“And?”  
“We’ve already been through this, Herb! If you want a romantic plot, they can’t be the same sex!”  
Herb huffed. “Why? I explained in the story that the first life it was incontact with, was female, and her people don’t see an issue with same sex coupling.”

Doug looked ready to throw him out a window. “I’ll try this one more time. Make one of them the right sex, and I’ll try and publish it. Why would you ruin such a good story with - With .. Filth like this?”  
Herb was quiet for a moment. “And you can’t look past two guys, or two girls, even if the rest of the story has nothing to do with either of their genders? It makes no difference.”  
“If it makes no difference, one of them can be a man, and the other a woman.” He said with a sarcastic grin.  
Herb took his paper and stormed out.

Kay was waiting. “How’d it go?”  
“Can’t get away with it.”  
She sank. “Urgh, I’m sorry Herb. I tried.”  
“No, your notes were good. But if he wants this story, I’m making a statement while doing it, or I’m leaving.” Herb fell into his seat.  
Julius laughed. “You say it every week. The other week you nearly left because the donuts weren’t up to scratch.”  
Herb stood back up. “And I stand by what I said.”

*

Another night, more drinks and more hypothetical world building. This time Nicky was trying to jot ideas down.

Jimmy found himself cuddling one of the dogs. “So drugs don’t exist outside of medical use, relationship’s go as far as consent allows, and what about money?”  
Nicky tapped the pen to his chin. “What if .. money doesn’t exist?”  
“Then how do people live?”  
“I don’t know! What if food was just .. free?”  
“Where does it come from?”  
“It’s .. recycled. It’s not made of anything real. But it still feels real.”  
Jimmy shook his head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”  
“It doesn’t have to, it's the future. I can make anything I want up.”

Jimmy laughed. “Well if food is free, then so is everything else.”  
Nick agreed. “Well if they can make food free, why not clothes or cosmetics?”  
“What about entertainment?”  
“Who knows what kind of technology we’ll have to keep busy with in the future. Like - Like watching the radio. Or what if you could live a book, like a game?”  
Jimmy laughs. “You come up with some crazy stuff.”  
Nicky laughs too and lays out further.

They’ve had a few to drink and they’re getting a little tipsy at this point.  
Jimmy rests his head on his arms. “Boy, what I wouldn’t give to never have to work again.”  
“You don’t work currently.”  
“Yeah I do. I - am a businessman if anyone asks.”  
Nicky laughs. “Hey, why don’t you get a job. Like a real job, that pays.”  
“No one will take me on. No skills, no education, no family to back me up. Gotta make ends meet somehow, am I right?”  
Nicky looks sad but smiles anyway. “Yeah, yeah. If you can make it here-”  
“You can make it anywhere.”

They are both quiet, but the moment is joyful, calm, happy. Nicky could fall asleep, laid out across the room from his friend. “Hey, Jimmy. You wanna stay over tonight? I’ll kick you out when I leave for work tomorrow?”  
Jimmy laughs. “Don’t say that. You’ll never get rid o’ me.”  
Nicky laughs. “I could get used to that.”

Jimmy laughs. “Sure. Not like I need to be home tonight specifically.”  
“You can have the couch, or I got a few camping mats if you wanna stay in my room. Warmer in there, you know, with the dogs.”  
Jimmy smiles. “You know, That don’t sound so bad. My last sleepover happened when I was a little kid.”  
Nicky kicks his feet up. “Sleep overs are great. If you don’t actually wanna get any sleep.”  
“Hey, I’m not that kinda guy. Paper boys gotta get up real early right?”  
Nick froze for a second. “Right.”  
Jimmy smiled to himself. “You’ve been a good host. I’ll be a good guest and let you get some shut eye, huh?”  
Nicky relaxed. “Thanks. You’re a good guy.”  
“No problem buddy. This past week has been one of the best in my life.”  
Nicky was only warmed further. “Same.”


	3. The safe place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herb makes his story gayer.
> 
> Nicky shows Jimmy a safe place.

Doug burst out of his office. “I’m not even going to call you in this time. Herb, what the hell is this?!”  
Herb slowly put his glasses down and took his time standing up.   
Doug waited. All eyes on him.

“What exactly have I done?”  
Doug’s stress could be felt from across the room. “All I asked you to do was make the couple normal. That was it, and you couldn’t even get that right.”  
Kay chimed in. “What did he do now?”  
Doug answered, ready to burst at the seams. “He made the shapeshifter a man, finally, leaving the woman as the main character.”  
“That doesn’t sound so bad?” She says.  
Herb physically can’t stop smiling as Doug's frustrated face.

Doug continued. “Then he made the shapeshifter unsure of their behaviors, making them feminine throughout the story and sexually confused regularly. To add insult to injury, the female protagonist is masculine, and becomes more attracted to her new companion the more femine he behaves. Herb! What the actual hell?!”  
Herb shrugged. “You told me to change it’s sex, not their exerience as a male.”  
Doug held his hair in his hand. “Are you trying to confuse the audience? You explain that he can change sex, then make him … I - Don’t have the word for this.”  
Albert says it. “Gay.”

The room was painfully quiet.

Albert defends himself “Well, I’m not wrong. If the male shapeshifter acts like a woman as a man, it’s gay. If the shapeshifter is a woman, it’s still gay. If the main character is a man, either way, it’s still gay.”  
Doug aims the paper at Herb. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”  
Herb shrugs. “You got a straight couple, didn’t ya? The dynamics just a little .. skewed.”

Benny stops Doug from trying to kill Herb. “Is the story good?”  
“Yes, unfortunately.”  
Benny stands up. “And there is a reason for those behaviours in the story?”  
“Yes …”  
“Then why is it a problem? I don’t think you give our audience enough credit.”  
Kay joins in. “If they can get past a sentient liquid, I’m sure they can handle him being a little effeminate. -- And being protected by an butch woman.”

Doug deflates. “Herb, if you pull a stunt like this again, I swear to god-”  
Herb throws his arm at him. “Oh loosen up. We’re writing science fantasy not a textbook. Let's push the boundary of believable, like we’re paid to do.”  
Doug slinks away.  
The small crew clap for Herb. 

Kay leans over. “What are you gonna do if he follows through on his threat?”  
“Nah… I’ve been writing a back up story that ticks all the boxes. If I leave, it’s on MY terms.”  
She laughs.

*

Jimmy has brought a few drinks to a bench they like. It overlooks a quiet area of New York right by the park. The past few weeks have been full of whimsical conversations, and now their relationship has met a calm understanding between them. It’s comfortable. They meet regularly and complain about life or add to this nonsensical world Nicky has built.

It’s dark. It’s quiet. The two of them are wrapped up in conversation.  
“Look, I just don’t see what .. pleasure- two guys would get out of … relations, you know. It’s illegal for a reason.”  
Nick raises an eyebrow. “Give me one reason it’s illegal.”  
Jimmy can’t form words. He just knows it's wrong. “Ah - Ae - I - Why would - Like-”  
“Just pick one point you want to make.”  
Jimmy exhales. “You can’t start a family-”  
“You don’t want a family.”  
“What if you change your mind?”  
“I don’t think it was a choice to begin with.”  
Jimmy sighs. “Surely there's some .. health concerns, or medical … issues.” He says disgusted.  
“Are there?”  
“I don’t know!”

They both go quiet for a few minutes.  
Nicky coughs up first. “Do you wanna find out?”  
“Huh?” Jimmy looks offended.  
“I know some people. Don’t worry, they’re all good guys.” Nick starts leading him somewhere.  
Jimmy isn’t sure if he feels safe following his friend somewhere in the dark, but if Nicky was going to hurt him, any of their sleepovers would have been ample opportunity. 

Nicky leads him through the darkest corners of New York. Jimmy tries to memorise the route in case he needs to get out.

Eventually they find an old building. Dim colourful lights in the windows and a locked door. Nicky knocks a code and a hatch opens. “Yo, it’s me. I brought a friend.” He says to the eyes peering at him.

The hatch closes and the door is unlocked.

Inside, it was a bar. A bar of groups of men and women. It looked the same as any other bar, but brighter. Nicky seems to know everyone. Jimmy follows his shorter friend and he gets comfortable and seats them at the front. He’s not sure how he feels being with his back to all these strangers in an unfamiliar environment.

Nicky nudges him, a casual smile on his face. “Hey, don’t worry. This is a safe place.”  
Jimmy gives him a fake smile back. He doesn’t know how he feels about being here.  
Nicky buys him a drink and points out some of his friends.   
Jimmy grabs his shoulder. “How’d you know about this place?”  
“A friend brought me.”  
“Friend like me?”  
“Not necessarily.”

Jimmy started looking around more frantically. “This place is really illegal isn’t it?”  
Nicky nodded. “Very. But you’re gonna keep quiet about it.”  
“Is this the part where you make me part of your cult, or you’ll feed me to your dogs-”  
Nicky pulled the most confused face he could. “What? What are you talking about? This isn’t a cult. It’s a meeting place. And why would you think I’m going to feed you to my dogs?”  
Jimmy looked him dead in the eyes. “To keep me quiet? I ain’t being part of some conspiracy-”  
Nicky rolled his eyes. “It’s not a conspiracy.” He drank some of his drink and turned to face him properly. “And you’re gonna keep quiet, because we’re in the same boat here.”

Jimmy frowned. “What do you mean?”  
“Look around. What do you think everyone in this community has in common?”  
It took Jimmy a minute. “You said it’s illegal?”  
“Uh huh.”  
“I’m not seeing nothing.”  
Nicky whispered. “They’re all paired with their own ..”  
That information hit Jimmy like a brick. “Oh my god, they’re all homo’s.”  
Nicky nudged him. “Don’t say it like that. This. Is a safe place.”

Jimmy was suddenly affronted. “And you think I’m-”  
“NO, I don’t think you’re one of ‘em. I’m trying to tell you, I am.”  
Jimmy stared at him. “You are?”  
“Yes. I - I wasn’t sure how to tell ya.” Nicky lowered his head.  
Jimmy was starting to panic slightly. “If this place gets found out …”  
Nick got very serious. “Which is why you ain’t gonna say nothing. You know first hand that the law treats certain people with .. less than adequate care. None of these people chose to be like this. Why would anybody choose a life of crime if they didn’t have to?”

Suddenly it all started to make sense. Jimmy has done nothing but complain about how the law treats his people. Nicky has spent years hiding in plain sight. He’s placed trust in him. The treatment of both their communities. They are divided. They are segregated. Mistreated. Misunderstood. Nicky didn’t judge him based on race. It wouldn’t be right to judge him back. Even knowing that the other is doing something illegal. One chose a life of crime. The other didn’t.

“Oh, Nick, I’m sorry. I swear, I won’t say a word.”  
Nicky nods. “Thank you. You’re a good guy.”

They go quiet as they drink.

Jimmy coughs up again. “So you never answered my question about … You know what, never mind.” He drinks.  
Nicky looks over with just his eyes. “I’ve never had any medical issues, as you put it.” He drinks.  
Jimmy cocks his head. “How ur .. How’d you know it’s safe?”  
“How’d you know women are safe?”  
Jimmy laughs. “You don’t.”  
Nicky laughs. “I’ll drink to that.”

*

Back in the office, Doug is having an aneurysm about the sequel stories Benny has written. After the rest of the office defends him, Albert jumps to the rescue and suggests they make the first episode a dream. Doug reluctantly agrees to try and offer it to Mr Stone.

When the room goes quiet, and everyone has settled back down, Herb casually makes his way to Doug’s office.  
“You got a minute?”  
Doug huffs.  
Herb takes that as a yes and makes himself comfortable. “Did you try and pass my story?”  
Doug sighs and sits back. “I did.”  
“And?” He leans in.  
Doug's eyes roll away. “He’s put it on the back burner.”

Herb changes tone. “What - What the hell does that mean?”  
Doug cocks his head. “It means he’s accepted it, but not yet.” He leans on the desk. “He liked it mostly. He just doesn’t think a romance is what the audience wants right away, since the last story to be published was also a romance.”  
Herb nods. “So he will publish it, just not yet.”  
Doug nods solemnly. “To tell you the truth, he’s interested in Alberts unfeeling, unrelatable robots right now.”  
“Well. Thanks for the heads up.” He stands to leave.

“Herb.”  
Herb stops in the doorway.  
“The audience likes variety, but there's only so much Mr Stone will tolerate. Remember that.”  
Herb nods. “I’ll pass the message along.”


	4. Kay and Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay makes some serious points about her writing to Doug.
> 
> The boys ask each other some questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benny DOESN'T get beaten up :)  
> Because Jimmy isn't out causing trouble.  
> Canon divergence

Coming over to Nicky’s felt uncomfortable at first. But he’s the same guy as he was when they met. He hasn’t done anything wrong to him, just like how Jimmy hasn’t done anything wrong toward Nicky. For some time, their time at the bar felt like some life changing event. Knowing Nicky was different, or in danger, felt like the elephant in the room. It was going to come up again eventually. 

They both laid out in Nicky’s apartment, dogs comfortably resting with them, bottles of cheap booze lined up along the floor.  
“You know our talks of .. another world?”  
“Uh huh?”  
“Was- Did we start talking because … Was it-”  
“I know we both struggled to meet society's expectations. I just - I wanted to give you my unrealistic optimism. Maybe you’d .. maybe it’d help.”  
Jimmy nodded. “You think it’ll be normal one day.”  
“I hope so. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. If I were a woman, everything would be fine. But I don’t want to be a woman, you know? I’m still a guy.”  
Jimmy raised his hands. “I never said you weren’t .”

Nicky flopped out further. “I like to think .. One day, people won’t make decisions based on what's expected of them, but on what suits them best. So long as you’re not hurting anyone, what difference does it make?”  
Jimmy raised his eyebrows. “You think maybe the law is the way it is, because they’re scared that you are hurting people?”  
Nicky shook his head. “What d’ya mean?”  
Jimmy can feel himself going bright red. “I mean, as a guy with no experience in this matter, I can’t confirm whether it is dangerous or not. I - I don’t have that information. Without knowing you, I’d have believed anything I was told about you, regardless of believability.”

Nicky smirked. “Like what?”  
Jimmy laughed. “Like .. What if it’s contagious?”  
Nicky laughed. “You’d know by now if it was.”  
Jimmy was still smiling. “What if guys start getting confused?”  
“Confused about what? You either like it or you don’t.”  
Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Or what if guys get different diseases?”  
“Pft. Wear protection, or stick to one partner.”  
Jimmy was still smiling. “Might wanna add free protection to your perfect world.”  
“OH… That's a good idea.”

Jimmy laughed.  
Nicky looked up. “What's so funny about that?”  
Jimmy waved it off. “Never seen one. Can’t imagine them being .. common.”  
Nick fell back again. “Well they should be. Too many broken families as it is.”  
Jimmy smiled. “Nothing you’d have to worry about.”  
Nicky playfully kicked him.  
Jimmy exaggerated. “What? Tell me I’m wrong.”  
“I’d prefer to be safe than sorry.”  
Jimmy looked up that time. “You own one, don’t you?”  
“Hey, it’s a just-in-case. I don’t know where he’s been.”

Jimmy tilts his head. “Isn’t that … awkward? A mood killer?”  
Nicky exaggerated. “Lets just say, we don’t go very far without it.”  
Jimmy winced. “How far do you get?”  
Nicky smiled. “Why’d you need to know?”  
Jimmy jumped up. “Hey-”  
Nicky laughed. “I’m messing with you. I’m messing with you. And I’ll do mouth stuff.”  
Jimmy felt himself blush.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”  
Jimmy fell back down. 

The room went very quiet.

“Nicky, tell me if this is too far, but why’d you … How does it work? Between two guys?”  
Nicky pulled a face to himself. “It’s just something you want to do. The same as with a woman I assume.”  
“How’d you know though? That you liked it?”  
Nick smiled. “Because I looked forward to it. Because I wanted it. And I liked it.”  
Jimmy spoke quietly. “Is it different?”  
“I don’t know. Never been with a woman.”  
Jimmy pulled a face at himself.  
Nicky continued. “Kissing’s probably the same.”  
Jimmy nodded. “That makes sense.”

Nicky looked at him. “If you ever wanted to find out .. I wouldn’t be offended.”  
Jimmy frowned to himself. “Find out if it’s different?”  
“Yeah, I mean, I’ll probably never kiss a girl, but if you ever wanted to find out-”  
“You want me to kiss you?”  
“No, I said I wouldn’t mind if you did. Just - For comparison's sake.”  
Jimmy went quiet.  
Nicky sat up. “I mean, it can’t be too different, right?”  
Jimmy sat up. “Promise you’ll never say a word to another living soul.”

Nicky lit up “I promise, this will never leave this room.”  
Jimmy nodded him over.  
Nicky peeled himself from the dog and flopped down with Jimmy.  
Jimmy sat himself further up.  
Before either of them could say anything, Nicky leaned over and planted his mouth on Jimmy’s. Jimmy reacted in kind and twisted further into it, almost forgetting who it was he was kissing. It was only when he moved and felt his stubble brush against his cheek that he pulled away.

Nicky jumped back at the same time.  
Jimmy looked away and felt his neck. Something about that felt .. wrong. Like illegal wrong, but there was nothing about it that felt wrong physically.  
Nicky fake coughed. “Urm, so, was it different?”  
“Ur … Yes and no. It - Felt rougher .. but- also, the same.”  
Nicky nodded. “Oh. Okay. That - That doesn’t sound bad.”  
“No, it - wasn’t bad. But I’d know the difference.”  
Nicky can feel himself heating up with embarrassment. 

Jimmy solved his embarrassment. “Hey, it was a good kiss. Don’t get hung up about it.”  
Nick gave a wobbly smile. “I’ll do my best.”  
Jimmy stopped smiling. “Did I do something wrong?”  
“What? No. I - I just feel like you cut it short for some reason. Like I did something wrong.”  
Jimmy jumped to defend himself. “No, I - I panicked. The kiss was fine. I - I forgot where I was.”  
Nicky smirked at him. “That good, huh?”  
Jimmy playfully shoved him.

*

Benny went to work as normal. Those cops are still on his case, but he’s not seen much of Jimmy recently. That's a good thing. Guy needs to stay outta trouble. He hopes he’s found a new line of work or found a skill to keep himself occupied with.

In the office, the crew were back on the arguments. Benny has no context but he’s sure he can work it out.   
Kay yelled. “So he can get away with a female main character, but I can’t?!”  
Doug raised his hands. “The story unfortunately required it. The story you’ve presented us with is .. I can’t get that through the radar.”  
Albert mumbled. “How bad is it?”  
Julius answered. “The story is about a woman who free’s herself from slavery, kills her abuser and falls in love with another escapee woman.”  
Benny raised his eyebrows.

Doug looks at Herb. “This. Is your fault. You start pushing for these radical ideas, and we end up inciting violence.”  
Herb retorts. “And why can’t the main character be a woman? It’s relevant to the story, isn’t it.”  
Doug answers for everyone. “We can’t encourage people kill the people who have wronged them and marry their own sex for comforts sake. If the story were about a man escaping slavery-”  
Kay interrupts. “Then it’d be fine. But god forbid, a woman dreams of more than her designated purpose!”  
Doug stares a hole through Herb.  
Herb smirks. 

Julius joins in. “What if the oppressors were also women?”  
“That's just as bad.” Doug answers.   
Kay stands her ground. “Why? Is it a little too close to home?”  
“You got the vote. You can work. You’re free to dress as you like. How many more luxurious must we afford you before you consider yourselves free?” Doug answers.  
Herb stops Kay lunging at him. Julius moves Doug out of the way.

Benny and Albert give each other knowing looks as they carry on.

*

Jimmy and Nicky have only grown closer. Nicky introduced Jimmy to a few guys, and a few girls, at the secret bar. In public they still playfully bicker and make jokes about the other, never going into hurtful territory. Behind closed doors, their discussions have become somewhat philosophical. They discuss choice versus fate. Nature versus nurture. They share stories about their lives and for the first time in either of their lives, feel free to discuss their emotions freely.

Nothing leaves this room. A promise they both keep and hold dearly.

Nicky bought hotdogs for dinner. Strikes up conversation about home and preferences.  
Jimmy never really liked these things, but he eats it anyway. Can’t refuse free food.  
Nicky wipes his mouth. “Hey, I saw you talking to a young lady today.” He smiles.  
Jimmy rolls his eyes. “Which one?”  
“The blonde one. Friend o’ yours?”  
“Pft. I wish. I think I was punching above my weight there.”  
Nicky opens the back door for the dogs. “I wouldn’t o’ said so, but eh, what do I know.”  
Jimmy smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”  
“You should.” He laughed.

Jimmy pets one of the dogs. “Hey, stupid question, but how do guys know what they’re looking for in other guys?”  
Nicky looked at him. “Depends who you ask.”  
“Okay fine. What criteria do you guys use?”  
Nicky shrugs. “I don’t know. You just know when you see it. Chicks don't follow a ‘criteria’ do they?”  
Jimmy shakes his head. “Not exactly. You know when they put some effort in, they want attention. Whether it’s my attention is another matter.”  
Nicky smiles. “Love’s a tricky business.”

Jimmy laid further out. “Ya ever been in love?”  
“Ur … Once I think? He wasn’t into it though.”  
“Oof. I can’t imagine asking a girl out, and then she tells me she doesn’t like guys.”  
“Sometimes I worry that that's why I don’t have many friends. Both get offended by my .. preference.”  
Jimmy gave him a sympathetic look. “Hey. In your fantasy world, maybe girls would be into that. Knowing you’ll never try it on with them.”  
Nicky laughed. “Their safe best friend.”  
“Exactly. Like, a girl that likes girls would probably have more incommon with guys. You know what I mean.”  
“It’s a possibility.”

Jimmy raises his glass. “Here’s to being honest.”  
Nicky raises his. “Here’s to being open.”  
They both drink.

Jimmy suddenly had a very unusual question spring to mind. “Nicky? If the first guy you ever fell in love with wasn’t into it, how’d you find out?”  
Nick was not expecting that. “Well, I asked if he wanted to come back to mine and we could get to know each other better. He reported me. I lost my job.”  
“Oh man, I’m so sorry.”  
“Nah it’s okay. I moved on.”  
Jimmy shook his head. “But you didn’t fall in love?”  
“No. Just .. one off nights with rando’s. I stopped doing it, I swear.”

Jimmy nodded. “I believe you. As long as you’re okay now.”  
“I am. I just lowered my standards while feeling sorry for myself for a while.”  
Jimmy nodded. “Been there.”

*

The office was quiet.  
Herb was tapping his pen.  
Julius was typing away, pen in mouth.  
Kay was leaning back, feet up, enjoying the calm before the storm.  
Benny and Albert can see things are about to kick off.

Doug comes out of his office. Walks past all of them. He makes a coffee and spins back around.

“Ahem?” Kay calls.  
Doug spins around. “Yes?”  
“Did you read it?”  
“Yes.”  
“And?”  
“It’s fine.”  
Kay drops her feet. “It’s fine?”  
Doug nods. “It’s fine. Why?”

Herb frowns. “Why are you upset by that?”  
Kay stands. “Because it’s the exact same story, but the oppressed are men, and he is rescued by another man. No love story.”  
Doug smiles. “And that's fine.”  
Kay leans over the desk. “It's not okay when a woman kills her oppressor, but it is when a man does it?”  
“It fits the story better.”  
Herb stands up. “What? Why?”

Doug stirs his coffee. “His internalised rage would come across as violence in a man. Women just don’t react like that.”  
Kay half laughs. “So women can’t be violent?”  
“I never said that.”  
Herb sits back down.  
Kay doesn’t have a response.  
Doug looks around. “If we’re done here ..?” He walks away and closes his door behind him.

No one in this room is comfortable.


	5. Going down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go a little further.
> 
> Doug tells Benny the bad news.

Jimmy and Nicky sit in the secret bar telling stories and listening to the records. 

In the corner of the bar, two women kiss, one sat over the lap of the other. Jimmy keeps losing focus as his eyes wander past Nicky and to the women’s hands raking through the others hair, or stroking down the other’s side. Nicky rolls his eyes and turns his head to face him.  
“Oh c’mon. You can’t blame me.”  
Nick smiles and shakes his head. “I guess not.”  
Jimmy keeps watching them. “Jeez, I wish someone would kiss me like that.” then he realises what he just said. “No, I meant-”  
Nicky was already laughing at him. “Yeah, a girl, I know.” He said, still laughing.   
Jimmy huffed.

Nicky wiped his eyes. “I’d have kissed you like that if you’d have let me.”  
Jimmy looked down on his short friend. “Is that a threat?”  
Nicky answered by taking a cherry from a nearby bowl, eating it, chewing and sticking his tongue out with the stem perfectly tied in a knot in the middle.

Jimmy just stared at it in disbelief. This isn’t a threat. It's a promise. “Oh.”  
Nicky smiled and removed the knot. “A lot of guys appreciate that kinda skill. Hey, a lot of girls probably would.”  
Jimmy smiled, but all he could think about was the dexterity of Nicky tongue now. Why would anyone need to be able to do that?  
Nicky noticed him phasing out. “Hey, y'all alright? Jimmy?”  
Jimmy snapped out of it. “Huh?”  
“You okay? Got me worried there.”  
Jimmy nodded, his eyes still drifting to the girls behind him, and the cherry stalk on the table.

Nicky followed his eyes. “Oh! Look I didn’t mean anything by it. It was a joke.”  
Jimmy’s eyes snapped downward. “Are you sure?”  
Nicky flinched.

Not two minutes later, Jimmy was pinned to the seat of a booth by Nicky’s mouth. His body pressed against his, their hips overlapping and fingers interlocked. Nicky took full control, moving him and deciding when they breathe, how much tongue is implemented. Jimmy followed every instruction nonverbally directing him into position and building his pleasure through the kiss alone.

It was different. It was rough. Calculated almost. Like he knows what feels good and is using that knowledge to his advantage.

It came to an end when Nicky pulled away and ran his fingers through Jimmy's sweaty hair, letting them both catch their breath and assess how they sat.  
Nicky cocked his head. “How was that? Was that what you had in mind?”  
Jimmy still wasn’t breathing straight. “Something like that.”  
Nicky bit his lip. “I can feel that.” he said, gently grinding his hips.  
Jimmy took a long hard breath and groaned. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I must have gotten a little .. excited.”  
“We - We could go somewhere quiet? I could fix it.”

Jimmy backed up. “Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you-”  
“You’re not asking. I am. Don’t tell me you’re not interested.”  
Jimmy fought with every inch of reason he had left but Nicky was absolutely right.  
Nicky watched the cogs in Jimmy's head turn. He can feel his own arousal becoming an issue now. “I - I want to do this. With you.”  
Temptation was slowly over growing in Jimmy’s mind. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this, but if he was so sure he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t be grinding his erection into his best friend.

Jimmy looked him up and down. “Where are we going?”  
Nicky just smiled.

*

The entire office waited impatiently for Douglas. This was the morning that Benny’s story about a black space captain was supposed to make it to Mr Stone. Even Darlene was excited. Everyone found something they liked about it. Deep Space Nine ticked all the creative boxes and it had been sitting, waiting to go to print since Doug had a melt down.

Doug did return. The whole crew braced for the good news, but Doug had to explain that Mr Stone rejected the idea so harshly, that he’s not posting a story at all this month, and he’s firing Benny.

Herb jumped to his defense but the attack wasn’t coming from Doug. Benny fell apart right there and then. Just when he thought he had a chance, when he hoped the world was changing in his favour, when the hallucinations of this bright and beautiful world had scared him half to death, the bottom block was knocked out from the tower of his dreams.

He lashed out.

He lashed out like he’s never lashed out before.

The rest of the crew just stood. Unsure of what to do, or say, if there was anything.

Douglas in particular took the brunt of it.

Then Benny collapsed.

An ambulance was called and Benny was taken away.


	6. Doug and the break up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy can't stop thinking about it.
> 
> Doug can't stop thinking about it.

Nicky stood at his stand. Slow news week and he knew it. He sighed. He hasn’t seen Jimmy since the other day. He’s sure he’s avoiding him, but he knows that this is how it goes. He gets to know a guy, they find out, they leave. Or even worse, he takes them home, they get what they want, then they leave. It’s a cycle he was sure he was numb to, but he supposes not. It hurts just as much as it had the last time.

Meanwhile, Jimmy was having a small crisis. At night, he laid in bed and thought about it over and over. The shame of revealing himself to another man. The guilt creeping up into his throat when he realised he was enjoying it. The hypocrisy of trying to ignore those feelings. The confusion of letting his friend do that for him. His weakness in encouraging it.

He hates himself. He hates that he watched Nicky fall to his knees. He hates that he couldn’t control himself. He hates remembering the sweet rush that came with going through with it. He hates that Nicky did such a good job. He’s never felt like that. Never been touched like that. He hates that it felt so good. So good, that days later, he still can’t push those conflicting thoughts and feelings away.

He can’t tell anyone. He’s terrified to see him in public. He could never keep his own secrets quiet, never mind be part of someone else's.

Everything he told him. Everything he trusted him with. This wasn’t meant to be one of them. But he can’t even blame him. HE chose his life of crime. He made his own mistakes fully aware of the consequences, but this .. this wasn’t a choice. Nicky did this because it felt right. Because he saw something in him that he could trust. Something he could love?

That word made his guts churn. He can’t fall in love with another man. It’s not right.

But if it’s so wrong, why did it happen?

This wasn’t like stealing. He didn’t see an opportunity and take advantage of another person's weakness. He can’t excuse himself by saying ‘life’s hard.’ No, this time, Nicky put himself in the weaker position, and Jimmy feels like he used him, took advantage, for no gain. Nicky is a good guy, and Jimmy is not. He betrayed him.

But how do you move on from something like this? Jimmy sees only two options. Either push it down and get away from it. Never look back. Or, he can face that lion head on and deal with their decision together.

Jimmy gets up. He’s got a vendor to see.

*

Doug sits with his face in his hands. The writers have mostly gone home. No one spoke to him all day. He can see the single light in the main office still on. Herb hasn’t gone home yet. Doug scoffs. He doesn’t have a wife to go home too. He lives for literature. He’s optimistic in the most aggressive way. Doug knows he’s the exact opposite. Two immovable objects using writing to present society as they see it.

The door creaks open.  
“Doug?”  
“Not now Herb.”  
Herb came in anyway and sat down. “You wanna talk about it?”  
Doug shook his head.   
Herb sighed. “I know - I know I can be a pain in your ass sometimes -”  
Dough half laughed.  
Herb continued. “But I have no disrespect for you, Doug. You’re the only thing stopping us from starting a riot and - and sometimes people need boundaries-”  
“You all think I’m a monster.”

Herb was quiet for a moment.  
“I know that behind that door, you all think I enjoy keeping these stories familiar. Things that I know Mr Stone wants. Things that I know are safe. Things that stop you from losing your jobs.” Doug looked up, the space under his eyes dark. “But I don’t. If it were up to me, the audience would choose the next topic for you to dissect. The people could be free to debate and argue about these subjects safely, but that's not the world we live in.” Doug pulled a flask out from in his draw. “We live in a world where people are scared of what they don’t understand. Where those fears manifest into hate. All these years of evolutions and we’re still frightened animals that bite the hand trying to feed us.”

Herb watched Doug drink whatever was in the flask on the brink of tears.

“I never had a problem with challenging those ideas, Herb. But when a whole group decides something is dangerous, they try to eliminate the thing that supports it. Doesn’t matter who benefits from it. People don’t like new things, and when they do like new things, it’s because it's in a format they recognise. A people they relate to. A situation they recall experiencing in their lifetime.” Doug puts his flask away and stands to leave. “Maybe one day, people will associate these new concepts with positive reinforcement, but fantasy stories about coloured people, and strong women, and men sharing a bed are not going to change a thing.” He walks around Herb to the door. “I’m not the monster. Society is.”

Herb is left in the dim room with just his thoughts.

*

Nicky stands in his backyard. The dogs bounce around in the fresh springtime air. He’s going to need to get their fur trimmed for summer. ‘Just another expense’ he thinks. Not like they don’t cost him an arm and leg already. He laughs. If they could talk, what would they say? ‘Get a bigger house’? Maybe ‘Work less hours and stay home with us’. He launches a stick.

Then there's a knock at the door. It’s probably one of the neighbours. He shuts the back door and goes to answer the font. Too many sales people have been knocked on their ass by a 6 foot dog on its back legs for him to open the door with them in the house.

He opens the door to find a certain man in a beret on the other side.  
“Oh? Wasn’t expecting you.”  
Jimmy looks around nervously. “Can I come in?”  
“Depends?”  
“I think we need to talk.”  
Nicky folds his arms. “What about?”  
Jimmy smiles. “Had a few ideas about your world you might be interested in.”  
Nicky smiles. “Get in here.”

With the dogs back in and a few bottles broken open, Jimmy starts.  
“Look, I am so sorry about the other night.”  
“Why?”  
Jimmy looks down. “I - I confused myself. I was happy with our friendship and I don’t think I should have gone through with .. what we did, that night.”  
Nicky nodded sadly. “That’s okay. I shouldn’t have pushed it on ya. You’re not into it and I guess I just really wanted you to be. I won’t do it again, I promise.”  
Jimmy shook his head. “No, that’s not the problem.”

Nicky looked confused. “Then .. What are we apologizing for?”  
“I’m apologizing because friends don’t let the other go down on them. I - I used you because I could. Because I didn’t have the balls to say no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did.”  
Nicky was even more confused. “You didn’t use me. I offered. You didn’t say no because you were looking forward to it too. I’m sorry I confused you. I think I just wanted our friendship to mean more than that. If you didn’t enjoy it, I’m sorry-”  
“Oh no, I enjoyed it.”  
“Then what the hell are we apologizing for?”  
“I don’t know! I feel bad for some reason.”

Nicky was still confused. “Well I only feel bad because you didn’t come back. I thought maybe I’d done something wrong and you were going to alert the police.”  
“What? No. The problem is that it was the best damn BJ of my life, and it came from my best friend.”  
“Then maybe we add to ‘best friends’?”  
Jimmy pulled back. “Is being gay contageous?”  
“What?! No. We had good sex. This isn't a disease. You were excited. I was excited. You enjoyed yourself. I enjoyed myself. Why is that so hard to understand?”  
“Because I don’t know if I wanted to enjoy it!”

Nicky frowned. “I think you need to leave.”  
“Nicky, please, I can explain.”  
“Get out.”  
“Don’t take it like that-”  
“I SAID GET OUT!”  
Jimmy jumped up and stormed out.  
Nicky stood there, breathing heavily, dogs looking up expectantly. He looks down at them. “I know. But it’s for the best. He’s not ready for me.”


	7. Herb and an apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herb has some things to say to Doug.
> 
> Jimmy and Nicky make up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy stuff is happening people.  
> Go look up 1950's condoms.

The office felt empty without Benny. Doug was extra quiet. Herb was near silent.  
Kay was the only person brave enough to ask. “Has anyone heard from Benny?”  
Julius spoke up. “I heard they took him to an asylum. Our statements about him dreaming his characters to life must have really rattled ‘em.”  
Herb huffed. “He doesn’t need an asylum. He needs to be heard.”  
“Got something to add, Herb?” Kay said.

Herb glanced at the door for a split second. “Benny .. Benny was so desperate to see change, that he built this whole world where people can be safe. Safe from threats posed by people, by society. Where people aren’t afraid of the unknown, because they know they have the support around them to get back up after being pushed down.” He looked back at the door again, knowing Doug could hear him. “He wasn’t afraid of the unknown because he was ready to embrace it. But someone else's fear left him with nowhere to turn, but that world he built.”

The room was deathly quiet. 

Julius spoke. “Wow. That is some powerful stuff.”  
Herb just nodded and started typing again. “Our job is to introduce our audience to new concepts without scaring them. Let's just stick to that, or we all lose our jobs.”  
The room went quiet again, one set of typewriters starting up after the next.

Doug sinks into his shoulders, regret weighing on his conscience.

*

Nicky wanders through the dark streets of New York. He wonders about going to the bar and falling back into that pit he crawled out of. Maybe taking a guy home would add some predictability to his life that he so desperately needs. Or not. He’ll probably just think about -  
“Jimmy?”  
Jimmy stands at the end of the path, under a street lamp. “Homelessness.”  
“Excuse me?”  
Jimmy starts walking toward him. “Would people still become homeless in your fantasy world?”  
Nicky smiles to himself. “Depends if they’re traveling?”  
Jimmy smiles and stops walking about a foot in front of him. “Traveling huh?”  
“Yeah. If everything is free, the only reason anyone would go without accommodation, is obviously traveling and thus .. homeless.” He smiles smugly.

Jimmy walks them to a bench. “I’m sorry about what I said the other day.”  
Nicky doesn’t answer.  
Jimmy sighs. “I - I was so scared of the stigma that I refused to accept anything but what I wanted to hear, even though -- Even though I was wrong. And I know I was wrong. I know how easy it is to be blamed for things you’re not in control of, and I wasn’t ready to add another to the list.”

Nicky tapped his foot. “So where do we go from here? Do we just pretend it didn’t happen?”  
“No, that’s not fair. But we can’t exactly be open about it neither.”  
“Tell me about it.”

Jimmy sighed. “We either need to go back to the way things were, or we need to try this all the way. It’ll be harder to cover up-”  
“Promise you won’t leave tomorrow morning.”  
“What?”  
“Promise. That in the morning, you’ll still be there. That if we try this, you’ll tell me when you’re ending it. That I can still be in your life. That you won’t regret it.”  
Jimmy held his hand covertly. “I promise, I’m not going nowhere.” He smiled warmly.  
Nicky looked up with hope in his eyes. “When you say ‘all the way’ ..?”

It didn’t take long to be back at Nicky’s house. The dogs were locked back and Nicky was pinned to the bed.  
“I - I don’t know what you want me to do.” Jimmy whispers.   
“I’ll tell you as we go.” He pecked him. “Just do what you’d normally do.”  
Jimmy sat up slightly. “How - How does that even work?”  
Nicky rolled his eyes. “Just do what you’d normally do.” He peeled his shirt off while laid on the bed.  
Jimmy had no space to argue. He sat up and removed his own top.

He kicked his bottoms off. While Jimmy was occupied trying to get his own off, Nicky rummaged through a drawer. Jimmy quickly realised why. “Oh, are you sure we need that?”  
Nick sat in front of him, rubber in hand. “We’re using it, or I’m putting my clothes back on.”  
Jimmy sighed and let Nicky show him what he’s supposed to do with it.  
“I promise, it gets easier.”  
“Yeah well right now, I don’t like it.”

Nicky took his hand and licked a stripe up his first two fingers. Jimmy’s mouth opened and closed again as Nicky sucked on them, lashing his tongue along both sides. With no warning, Nicky dropped his briefs and put Jimmy’s fingers in the right place. “Push inward.”  
Jimmy didn’t give himself time to process that, he just did.  
Nicky threw his head back and moaned.  
“Oh my god, are you okay?”  
“Fine. Keep going.”  
Jimmy just guessed at what he’s supposed to do here, thrusting his fingers further in. Nicky moaned again. Jimmy kept moving his arm and praying that this was right. He wasn’t sure where to look, or how to move, or if he was doing it right, but Nicky was panting harsh breaths of air and arching his back, so he’s guessing he’s doing something right.

Nicky threw one of his arms over his eyes and laughed through the panting. While he couldn’t see him, Jimmy’s eyes drifted downward. He can’t say he’s ever seen another naked man, but here he is over the top of one, jamming his fingers into an extremely private spot. “Is- Does that actually feel good?” He said with concern.  
“Uh huh. Oh, wait, curve your fingers up.”  
Jimmy did as asked.  
Nicky arched even harder and physically struggled to stay still, his toes curling into the sheets and his head only pushing further into the bed.

Jimmy can’t say any of his partners have reacted this way. Maybe because this is a different kind of feeling? Maybe Nicky just knows what he likes? Maybe he didn’t consider what his female partners actually wanted. Maybe going into this blind has actually helped. There are a few features he’s still not used to. Primarily his partner has a penis, but even then it’s not like Nicky minds being on display, and Jimmy never said it was a problem.

Nicky raised his arm just enough to see Jimmy leaning over him. He smiles and Jimmy slows to a stop.  
“I’m- I’m going to roll over.”  
Jimmy blanks out for a minute. “Wait, why?”  
Nicky lays on his front. “Feels better  
Jimmy looks around for answers. “Do I just - get on with it?”  
Nicky nods into his arms. “Go slow.”  
Jimmy moves himself further forward. “Tell me if I’m in the right place.”  
“Down. Keep going. Further in .. there!”

Jimmy pushed inward causing both of them to moan.  
“Keep going.”  
“This looks like it hurts.”  
“Do I look hurt? Keep goi- ah … ah!”  
“Is that okay?”  
Nicky starts panting. “You’re doing great.”  
Jimmy stops dragging and actually starts thrusting, consciously sliding his hips back and forth with speed. Nicky hid his face in his arms, but the noise he made could have been heard by the neighbours. With no indication to stop, and a blinding heat radiating through him, Jimmy only continued, bumping into him like his life depended on it.

The high pitched repetitive whining echoed through him. The slight bounce of the springs in the mattress, over and over following each hit only made him want to move faster. He can feel the sweat gathering on his hairline, Nicky’s hands clawing at the sheets, a familiar sensation building in his core. He shudders and doubles his efforts. Nicky gets even louder and starts violently shuddering. Jimmy slowed.   
“What the hell just happened?”  
“Keep going.” He rasps.

Jimmy can feel himself on the verge. There’s no going back. He decides to make this a good one and finish himself off, slamming in at a painful pace and throwing himself over the edge. He can feel Nicky’s relief as he slows down and pulls away.

Out of breath, far too hot and sticky, they lay staring at the ceiling.

It just hit Jimmy what happened. “Did you come?”  
Nicky gives him a lazy nod. “You did really good.”  
Jimmy’s eyes widened in surprise. He’s not sure if any of his lady friends ever came. Can they? He never even touched his dick. This was getting complicated again.  
Nicky noticed the surprise on his face. “Do you wanna talk about it?”  
“Uh .. after this; What do I do about the rubber?”  
“It’s reusable. There's some disinfectant in the bathroom for it and hot water to clean yourself up with if you want it.”  
Jimmy laughed. “And what about you?”  
“I’m not going anywhere.” He pecked him and smiled.

Jimmy got up and did his best to wash the thick rubber shape, leaving it to drip dry and giving himself a once over.

Back on the bed, Nicky had half tucked himself in and just passed out sprawled between the sheets. Jimmy tucked himself in behind him. He’s sure he felt Nicky whimper as he held him. He didn’t say anything and just fell asleep.

*

Days later, at the office, Herb and Doug are the last 2 people left in the building again. Doug just hasn’t been the same since Benny left. He doesn’t want to hire another writer to fill his space just in case he comes back and tries to get his job back. But he knows Stone won’t have that. He’d rather not hire another writer just to try and encourage the others to pick up the pace.

Herb knocks on his door. “Hey urm … I finished that last chapter.”  
“Leave on the desk, I’ll read it tomorrow.”  
Herb taps his foot. “You had your flask out tonight?”  
Doug gave him a threatening look.  
Herb sat down. “Wanna share?”  
Doug smiled and opened his drawer . “Is that communism, I hear?”  
Herb smiled and took the flask from him. “No, it’s community spirit.” He took a swig and handed it back. “I’m not a fuckin’ red.”

Doug laughed and took a swig. “Coulda fooled me.”  
Herb made himself comfortable. “So, you wanna talk about it? You’ve barely said a word to anyone.”  
Doug sighed. “I - I’m caught in the middle. You don’t know this, but when I go to present your stories, I speak on your behalf, try to convince him of your point, sell him the story by guessing what he wants and trying not to lie about the purpose of it. Sometimes you make it so difficult. Difficult for me to defend you. Difficult for him to see your point. Difficult to explain why our audience would even buy it.” Doug takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. “It matters not where I stand. I’m just the messenger, and I get shot from both sides no matter the news. I failed to do my job, and Benny took the hit.”

Herb jumped in. “Then why didn’t you stop him?”  
Doug looked up. “Because Stone knew he could punish the rest of you by picking off the weakest. A black man with nowhere to go, no rights to defend himself, and you’ll all fall back in line. He knows you’re all pushing for controversial subjects and he was waiting for one of you to be in a position where he could scare the rest. If I’d have done anything else, we’d all have been replaced by tomorrow. By people who are afraid of losing their job. Who will sell out. I had to make a choice, and now I’m not sure if it was the right one.”

Herb scoffed. “You think that by fighting back, he’d have just eliminated us all? You think he’d do that?”  
“I know he would. He knows what he’s looking for and he knows there are good people who will disregard their own principles for money and I - I couldn’t let that happen, regardless of where I stand, it was either Benny, or all of us.”  
Herb sat back. “So where do you stand?”  
Doug shook his head. “I don’t know. I read your stories and in theory, it all sounds marvelous. Who wouldn’t want to go somewhere, where all rolls of the dice are equal. But then I go outside, and see someone suffering some injustice, and tell myself ‘there must be a reason it’s like this’ and go about my day like any other.”

Herb taps his glass. “If you could see a glimpse of that bright future, if you could go to that safe place we all dream off, would you fight for it, even if it made no difference to your life or the way you live?”  
Doug took a moment to think about that. He shook his head shamefully. “Probably not.”  
Herb leaned in. “What if it didn't affect you directly, but the people around you? Your extended family, friends, co-workers?”  
Doug wobbled his head. “I’d be more supportive of it.”  
Herb nodded. “And that is why society doesn’t change.”

Herb left on that note.

*

Jimmy and Nicky sat in a booth at the bar. Upbeat music and the sound of people chattering away in the background.  
“All I’m saying is that we could move in if you got a job.” Nicky took a swig.  
Jimmy hesitated. “I - I could start looking for a job, but I’m just saying it’s not easy for a guy like me.”  
Nicky gave him a look.  
Jimmy huffed. “It’d be easier to find a job where no one know my face. A fresh start would be good.”  
“Well we ain’t got the savin’s to move first. If you could get some money first, we could get out of here.”

Jimmy leaned in. “If we get out of here together, we’ll make ourselves really obvious.”  
Nicky sank.  
Jimmy held his hand. “We’ll make it work. Don’t worry.”  
Nicky gave him an unsure smile.  
Jimmy held him and tried to move the conversation. “Hey. I got a law for you to hypothetically break.”  
Nicky sniggered. “Go on.”  
“Public indecency.”

The look Jimmy gave Nicky, produced a few ideas. “Depends on the indecency.” He breaths out.  
“Let's imagine .. something like the other night. Remember?” Jimmy gently kissed his cheek.  
Nicky closed his eyes. “After dark? Somewhere quiet.” Jimmy kept kissing down his neck. Nicky tipped himself back slightly, giving Jimmy access to his whole body.  
Jimmy held his hips and continued to kiss the skin he could reach. “What if you get caught?”  
“Call it a crime of passion.” He smirked at Jimmy.  
Jimmy interlocked their legs along the booth seat. “You wanna go outside with me maybe?”

Nicky kissed him back. “Jimmy, we’re gonna get caught.”  
“We didn’t get caught last time.”  
“Maybe I’m not interested in using my mouth this time.”  
“Thought you’d say that. I brought precautions.” Jimmy moved Nicky's free hand to a square box in his pocket.  
Nicky suddenly tensed up. “You are a beautiful man, do you know that?”  
Jimmy wiggled his eyebrows.

Nicky was walked backward into a wall, Jimmy staring down at him, their hands busy unbuckling, rubbing, stroking anything that they could reach.   
“Tell me if I’m doing it wrong.” Jimmy says between kissing.  
“Just what you’d do normally.” Nicky shuffles his trousers lower.  
“Normally, I know what I’m working with.”  
“I meant for yourself, dumb ass.”  
Jimmy rolled his eyes and kissed him back into the wall.  
Nicky’s hands found their way through Jimmy’s fly.  
“AH, cold hands.”  
“Sorry. But I’m gonna need your hands.”

Jimmy spun Nicky around and let him lean on his forearms against the wall. Nicky laughed as he listened to the sound of Jimmy trying to open the packet behind him. Jimmy grumbled to himself as he figured the rubber out for himself.  
Nicky bit his lip. “You remember asking me if protection ruins the mood?”  
Jimmy licked his fingers and wrapped his other arm around Nicky’s midriff. “I sure do.”  
Nicky gasped as cold wet fingers slid upward from his thigh. “Ah- Have you -- Have you got an opinion on it now?”  
Jimmy felt Nicky basically let in his grasp as he moved his hand back and forth. “I think I like ‘em.”

Nicky laughed and moaned at the same time. “‘Cus you know we ain’t doing it again until you get used to it?”  
Jimmy kissed the back of his neck. “I like sex more than I don’t like protetion.”  
Nicky groaned and only fell further into the wall.  
Jimmy tried to aim for the spot he’d been guided to days before.  
Nicky was immediately grateful, panting and moaning through an open mouth.  
Jimmy smiled to himself. ‘Why is this illegal?’ he thinks. Both of them are having fun. They have plans. They’re playing it safe. Maybe the back alley part is a bit unnecessary, but it’s very exciting. Speaking of which, he needs to get on with it before they are actually caught.

Jimmy removed his fingers, much to Nicky’s relief, and moved himself to slide in better. Once again, Nicky whined loudly and showed physical distress, but he didn’t react in any way to tell Jimmy to stop. A few gentle thrusts later, both of them melt into each other and become more relaxed.

Jimmy was only half worried about the noise. It wasn’t exactly discreet. But Nicky was grabbing for him, moaning, panting sweet words of encouragement. He repositioned and moved faster. Nicky did his best to stay quiet, but the sudden pressure on a certain spot brought a brand new feeling coursing through him. He focused on that feeling, building himself up mentally to finish before Jimmy does. Jimmy gripped for anything he could and completely glossed over while he reached the brink and still jerked through it. Nicky jerked and cussed as he too fired seed at the floor in front of him. 

Clean up was twice the trouble that it should have been, but both of them packed up quickly and took the short walk home.

“This .. was double illegal.”  
Nicky kissed him. “Just how you like it.”


	8. Crisis and Coupling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doug and Herb finally start to see eye to eye.
> 
> Jimmy and Nicky fluff.

Doug laid in bed. Herbs words have been ringing over and over again in his head. He’s not been sleeping well, but he doesn’t know who to talk to. He feels like such a coward. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong, but if that were true why can’t he sleep. He knows all the writers have an agenda. Albert has his robots. Kay likes strong female characters. Julius has a habit of writing violence. Benny aims for topics of race. Herb. Herb picks anything that grinds societies gears the wrong way.

He sighs. If it weren’t for Herb raising the naughty bar so high, the other writers' work would look inflammatory. But then he supposes without Herb showing the most extreme sides of progressivism, any request for societal change would look ridiculous by comparison. People are scared of change. Doug isn’t afraid of change, as long as it doesn’t affect him. That's selfish. He knows it's selfish. He told Herb that he would fight for someone else's rights if they didn’t impact him in some way. But how far does that go?

Would he fight if his wife’s right to vote was taken? Would she want it back?

That's all this comes down to. The majority making decisions for the minority. People like him in power deciding what's best for themselves because they don’t want their decisions to impact them.

He can’t blame them. It’s exactly what he’d do.

Herb made a point. Herb is always making points. He’s always fighting for more. He’d happily swap the social standings of people to make a point. He’d be happy to see white people struggle with laws made by coloured people. He’d be happy to see straight people be shamed by gay couples. He’d love to see a world where men are expected to keep a house pristine while she goes to work.

It puts things in perspective. Just three examples of people who are held down by fear. Three people who did nothing wrong. Who wouldn’t persecute anyone in the fantasy realm they strive for.

And people like him are content to just stand by and let it happen.

What has he become?

*

The radio is turned down low. The evening is quiet. Jimmy lays on Nicky, with both dogs weighing the both of them down.  
“So how’s the job hunt?”  
Jimmy closes his eyes. “It ain’t lookin’ good. I tried every store in a hundred mile radius I’m sure of it.”  
Nicky plays with his hair. “I’m sure something will turn up. Just keep lookin’. We got time.”  
Jimmy laughs. “Sure.”

Nick plays with the natural spring in Jimmy’s hair. “How do you look after this?”  
“Huh?”  
“Well, you ask me about my lifestyle.”  
Jimmy looks up. “And look where that got us. What were you sayin’?”  
Nicky smiles. “How do you even control this?” He pulls some of the hair mass out slightly.  
“Wash it regularly and get it cut by a professional.”  
Nicky should have guessed really.

“Right, I got one. Why do white people dance so slowly?”  
“What?”  
“Ya’ll do this thing, where you hold hands and sway. I’d take you to a real jazz club, get your heart pumpin’ and swing you ‘round like you don’t know how gravity works.”  
Nicky laughs. “Slow dancing is .. romantic. You hold each other and look into her eyes ..”  
“HER eyes?”  
Nicky gives him a look.  
Jimmy laughs. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

“You ever done a slow dance?”  
“Once. I met this girl who was trying to piss her parents off by going out with a negro, and she tried to take me dancing. She refused to come with me to my side of town though. It didn’t last long.”  
Nicky gave him a sympathetic look. “Aw, I’m sorry. If I could, I’d have gone with you.”  
“Why not?” He twisted to look at him innocently.  
Nicky looked him in the eyes.  
Jimmy almost forgot. “Oh. Sorry.”  
“It’s okay. What we do behind closed doors will always be nice. Doesn’t need to be public.”  
Jimmy held his hand. He can hear the disappointment in his voice.

Nicky suddenly perked up. “Hey, what if we asked the bar to do a swing versus slow dance night? I’m sure other guys and girls have always wanted to tear up the dance floor with their partners.”  
Jimmy smiled warmly. “We should definitely ask. Who knows. Maybe it’ll help people mingle a little, huh?”  
“Exactly. You are full of ideas.”  
“Me? This was your idea.”  
Nicky leaned right over Jimmy’s face, “All my ideas, come from your ideas.” He kisses him.  
Jimmy held his face. “And my ideas, start with you.” He kisses him back.

*

The room was still far too quiet. The silence was becoming painful. This kind of tension isn’t safe. It can be felt from the other floors  
Kay can’t stand it. “Herb … What's your latest project?”  
Herb didn’t even look up. “I got a picture of some giant lady in front of a whole civilization of normal sized people. I’ve decided she’s an alien from a huge planet, who’s come to explore other worlds and discovered her people are huge in comparison to all other life outside of her planet.” He keeps typing.

Julius looks over. “And .. Where's the twist?”  
Herb shrugs. “She goes home.”  
Kay drops her paper. “That's it?”  
Even Albert looks confused. “But - ur, you usually ur .. hide something in there. A message. An argument.”  
Herb shakes his head. “Not this time. Her perspective was wrong the whole time and she comes to accept it.”

Julius smiles. “Ah. I see. How people's opinions of certain subjects is wrong until they’re corrected.”  
“Nope. It's not an opinion. Her people have never been off-world, so they didn’t know that as the minority, they’re considered huge, in a universe of tiny planets and people.”

Kay tried. “Like how you can’t truly empathise with a person until you’ve walked in their shoes?”  
“Nope. She just wasn’t prepared to have her perception challenged.”

Albert mumbles. “Like how people are scared of .. things they don’t understand?”  
“But in this case, she wasn’t challenged. She was just wrong, and there was nothing she could do about it.”

Then Doug came out of his office. “This is fine.” put the paper on Julius' desk and started walking back. Julius stood up .”Woah, wait. What?”  
Doug stopped. “It’s fine. The subtext wasn’t particularly deep considering the war only ended a few years ago, but the story was fun.” He walked back into his office.

Kay and Albert look at Herb for answers. He looks like he didn’t even see what just happened.

* 

Jimmy ended up in a flower shop. They needed another pair of hands and fast, and he just so happened to be there.   
“Hey, thank you so much for helping with the orders, Jimmy. I got two staff off pregnant at the same time and I couldn’t get replacements in time for all these requests.”  
Jimmy stuck some paper to a plant pot. “No worries. I’m sure I can manage this one. No biggie.”  
She cuts some live flowers and takes the plant pot to start arranging them. “I’m just glad you ain’t colour blind or something. I mean, you can learn every flora in the book but without colour .. What am I sayin’? You know what, just hand me that ribbon.”  
Jimmy laughs. “I’m sure I can pick up different flower names.” He hands over the ribbon.  
She laughs. “Hyacinthoides non-scripta.”  
“What?”  
She points. “Blue bells.”  
He laughs. “Oh. I’ll remember that.”

She ties the bouquet up. “So what’s got ya lookin’ for work these days?”  
He writes the last order down. “I was thinking about getting some savin’s together. Maybe put some money toward a nice house or an education.”  
She laughs. “Dreamin’ big. I like your style.”  
He looks over at her. “Hey, if you can’t dream, what’d’ve ya got left. Cold and harsh reality, that’s what.”  
She looks at him. “Very optimistic of you.”  
He looks away smiling. “I’m learning to look on the bright side more recently, you know. Hope for the best and what not.”

She laughs. “She sounds like a good influence.”  
His heart hurt for a second. “Yeah. I guess so.”

*

After work, the gang leave. Herb and Doug are left alone. Again.

Doug makes the first move. He sits in front of Herbs desk.

Herb doesn’t even look at him. 

“I’m sorry.”  
“For what?”  
Doug sighs. “I’m sorry my empathy seems to end at what I recognise. Sometimes I wish life threw me regular curve balls so I’d have a comparison to make that I could rely on. But people like me are always the safest from life’s little jokes. I probably wouldn’t be where I am now if I knew how miserable it was going to make me.”  
Herb relaxes. “I’m really glad you’ve started opening up to me recently. Too bad you won’t give the rest of them that kind of courtesy.”  
Doug looks down. “You’ve been the most consistent in throwing those curve balls at me. And not at me, in order to get to Stone, or wider society. Just me. Because you like watching me suffer because you feel although your making a difference. A difference you can see.”

Herb remained calm. “Well? Have you changed your mind based on one of those curve balls?”  
Doug sinks. “I’m not sure. I know I’d have to stand by my decision to fight for what I know is right. But what if I’m wrong. What happens to everything I’ve accomplished? Will I be able to live with myself knowing I threw it all away?”  
Herb leans over. “Could you live with yourself knowing you get to enjoy a cosy retirement while good people are suffering because you CHOSE to ignore it?”

Doug shamefully shakes his head.

Herb waits. “Listen. We’ve entrusted each other with a lot over the years-”  
Doug scoffs.  
Herb continues. “- If I show you something. If I show you something that means a lot to me, can I trust you to look after it? Can I trust you to stand by what you said? Will you promise to keep us safe, as you claimed to keep us safe from Stone?”  
Doug is slightly terrified right now, but after everything they’ve been through, he’d be a monster to turn his back on it now.

Doug nods.

Herb smiles. “I’m gonna introduce you to a secret. A secret you can’t tell another living soul.”  
“I promise, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”  
“C’mon. We’re going dancing.”


	9. Dance

Jimmy and Nicky arrive just as the party is getting started. Jimmy excitedly drags Nicky to the dancefloor and basically picks him up as he spins him around. Nicky laughs like an idiot and plays along with all the fast paced moves. 

Jimmy has spent days trying to teach him the basics of swing. Nicky happily took the role of the woman and let Jimmy throw him about like a rag doll.

In the view of the other patrons, being openly passionate with your other half after hiding for so long was a rewarding, freeing feeling. Nicky’s never felt anything like it. To be so open and honest, and know for certain that you’re safe from stigma, safe from hate, safe from judgement, just for a few hours while you dance.

Jimmy is so happy Nicky picked up the moves, learned the cues and threw himself into the role so well. He knows later the music will slow down and the evening will end with his head on his shoulder, but it will be worth it. Nicky’s happy smiling face beaming up at him is all he needs right now. He made the right decision all those weeks ago. To trust Nicky the way Nicky had trusted him. 

Through the door, a tall middle aged man and his shorter companion walked through the door.  
“Herb, is this a private club?”  
Herb dragged him to the bar. “Kinda. It’s secret, for sure, but we trust each other to not make it ‘private’.” Herb waved to the bar keeper.  
Doug was looking around frantically for something. Maybe the music is too lively. Maybe he’s scared he’ll be recognised. Maybe he’s just worried about not getting home in time for the missus.

Herb handed him a drink. “Have you worked out where we are yet, Doug?”  
Doug noticed the colourful lights, the sex segregated men and women, and finally two young men enjoying the jazz in the middle of the dance floor together. “Herb … How illegal is this place?”  
Herb wobbled his head. “Depends who you ask.”  
Doug shot a look at him. “How could you bring me to a place like this? This is wrong.”  
Herb’s expression didn’t change. “Point one thing out to me that is wrong.”

Doug was now looking for offensive things. “Those .. men dancing together.”  
“They’re dancing. What's wrong with that?”  
Doug made an exasperated noise.  
Herb waited.  
Doug pointed to two girls holding hands. “That.”  
Herb cocked his head. “Who are they hurting?”  
Doug grabbed his own hair. “Herb, how do you know of this place?”  
Herb gave him a devious look. “Do you want the answer?”  
“No, actually I don’t. I’m leaving now.”  
“No no, no you’re not. Sit down and drink the drink.”

Doug couldn’t control his breathing.  
Herb turned him to face the bar. “You said you wanted a curveball. You said I could trust you. You said you’d be more empathetic if it relates to you in particular. Well now it does. Do you see an unhappy face in here? Do you see any shame, or violence, or corruption? Do you not feel safe because you’re alone in an unfamiliar environment? These men and women have lives, Doug. Families and jobs and clean records. Now you look at me and tell me that's wrong, but what you felt earlier was right.”

Doug couldn’t say anything. Herb had once and truly put him a corner. This was his last chance to either ally with these people, or turn his back on them. He’d never be able to look Herb in the eye, or read his stories without knowing what he ignored here tonight. He’d never be able to sleep soundly ever again. Was this really the side of history he wanted to be on? The side that put a man in an asylum because he was looking for this kind of peace.

The two men who were dancing ran to the bar beside him and ordered two of anything. They were both laughing and sweaty.

“Doug?” One of them said.  
Herb looked past him to the young black man. “Who’s asking?”  
Jimmy offered his hand. “I’m Jimmy. This is Nicky.”  
Herb took his hand while Doug was still having a small heart attack. Herb answered. “I’m Herb. Why’d you need Doug?”  
“I’m Benny's friend. I heard he went to the hospital and we haven’t seen him since. People worried he died.”  
Doug slowly spun around. “He .. Had an episode and they moved him to a more secure location.”

“They INSTITUTIONALISED him?”  
Doug shushed him. “They’re hoping he’ll get better. He doesn’t have a history and if he comes back, I’m trying to convince Stone to reinstate him.”  
Jimmy stood up. “He got fired? He has a girlfriend and a home to come back to.”  
Nicky held his shoulder.  
Herb cocked his head. “Are you new here, or do I just not know you?”  
Nicky answered. “He’s new, but we’ve never spoken.”  
“Yeah, I knew I recognised you.”  
“What about him?” Nicky points to Doug.  
Doug jumps back like it’s a threat.  
Herb laughs. “He’s an ally. Nothing more.”  
Jimmy laughed. “That’s how I got here.”  
Most of them laughed. Doug now looks even more terrified.

The night carries on. The four of them drink and discuss life. Doug has never heard Herb speak about his life, his experiences. The pieces of his life that influence his opinions. He’s only ever heard the opinions part. It was nice to see Herb suddenly become optimistic and open in this safe place. This fantasy world they’ve built. A place Benny could have really used.

Nicky got way too excited to talk about Jimmy and how proud he is of him. Everyone congratulated him regardless of where they stand. Some things in life everyone strives for, and you praise them for their accomplishments.

The music changed. It was slow and warm. Nicky explained they’re doing a culture exchange and dragged Jimmy back to his feet.

Herb gave Doug a look. “You wanna dance before you go home?”  
“Pft. No. Not with you anyway.”  
Herb smiled. “Thought so.”


	10. Mr Stone and Doris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doug grows a backbone.
> 
> Jimmy has to deal with the consequenses of society.

Another day, more flowers. Jimmy is in charge of customer services while Doris actually makes the arrangements. He’s happy doing this. He knows it’s temporary, but it’s a good start to show he’s put his dodgy dealings behind him. Doris is happy to give him that second chance. So far he’s been the help both her employees would usually be, and he’s not complained once.

“Got any plans for the weekend?” She says.  
Jimmy goes through the short list of activities he and Nicky had planned, but he knows better than to tell her that. “I’m going out with a friend. Then I gotta tidy my apartment. Got told it looks like the war is still raging on there recently.”  
She laughs. “It’s good to keep organised I suppose.”  
He smiles to himself and continues stacking plant pots.

She fake coughs. “So .. You’re not seeing anyone this weekend?”  
“I’m .. seeing a friend o’mine.”  
Her tone changes. “I meant ..Seeing … Anyone?”  
Jimmy’s heart just stopped. How is he supposed to answer that? “Uh .. no?”  
“Oh, then maybe, if you’ve got some free time, we go somewhere nice? Just the two of us?”  
Jimmy can feel his heart beating heavier with stress. “Oh, urm, sorry. I’m not looking .. at the moment. I - ur .. I gotta get myself stable first, ya know? I - I don’t wanna lead you on or nothing-”

She steps back. “No, it's fine, I understand.”  
“Look, it's not you.”  
“I’m sure.”  
He takes her hands. “I’m sure you know I got a bad reputation on my shoulders. I can’t have that extra weight on her too.”  
She pulled away from him with her head down. “I get it.”  
“I’m sorry.” He says, but she’s made up her mind.

He sighs and tries to carry on with his job in silence.

Later, Nicky sees the flow of traffic slow and decides the day is done. The flower shop Jimmy’s working at is only a block away, so it only makes sense to drop by and pick him up for the weekend.

The shop was closing when Nicky got there, but stood outside mid argument was Jimmy and Doris. He looked like he was apologizing profusely for something. But she was really angry with him. Nicky has no idea what Jimmy has done, but he looks so sorry about it, it can’t have been that bad, especially since he’s trying so hard to fix it.

Eventually, Doris stormed away with her head high and her face like thunder. Jimmy gave up and sank.

Nicky slid into view and encouraged Jimmy away from the situation. Whatever it is, they can work it out. It’s so good that he’s trying to repent from the life he led before. Nicky knows how hard life can be and he doesn’t want to make it any more stressful, but why should he put their happiness on the line for a stress free life. Jimmy held his shoulder and gave him a thankful smile as he wandered with him.

*

Doug stood before Mr Stone. After the other night, Doug thinks he’s finally found some closure. Another month more stories to hand over. Stone flicks through a few pages and sighs. Doug is half ready to laugh and tell Stone to get a grip. The other half wants to curl into a ball and pray for forgiveness. That side is kept at bay by reasonable thoughts like ‘He’s your boss, not some deity.’ and that made him feel better. They’re all human, no matter the orientation.

Stone ran his fingers through own hair. “I’m very happy with how these stories are turning out, Mr Pabst.”  
Doug looked down. “Are .. any of them what you were looking for?”  
Stone smiled at one of the booklets handed to him. “This .. short piece about a giant women explorer.” He laughs. “It is what it says on the tin. Female exploration sending her right back to where she belongs. No complications. No politics. No love story. Just one person's adventure in a very large galaxy. It’s .. humbling, wouldn’t you agree?”  
Doug shugged. “It .. seems quite basic compared to what Mr Rossoff is used to writing.”  
Stone smiled harder and stood up. “But that's the beauty of it. We stopped one trouble maker and saved more from causing similar trouble. I think they owe us a simple story every now and then, considering what we did to maintain the status quo.” He pats Doug on the back.

Doug can feel his guts churning again. The stress of being on the wrong side. The promise he made Herb.

Doug nods to himself. He’s had his fun. He’s lived in safety all his life. If anyone has the right to make the first stand, it's him. “I disagree sir.”  
Stone stops dead in his tracks. “Excuse me?”  
Doug looks at him. “I don’t think we should be handicapping our writers to maintain the status quo. I think the writers should make a name for themselves based on their skills, and live with the consequences for better or worse. If you truly think the audience can't handle a story about a black man running a space station, then Benny would have to answer for himself. It’s not our job to guide the opinions of our readers, but it is their job to behave like adults when confronted with-”  
“Doug, stop!”  
Doug shut his mouth.

Stone fell back into character. “You and I have known each other a very long time. It almost sounded like you .. want to encourage uproar .. from my publishing office.” Stone leaned in a smile still plastered on his face. “Now tell me again. Is this story fine?”

Doug frowned. “No. It’s child's play and has very negative connotations. I think our audience will see straight through it.”  
Stone stepped back “Negative?”  
Doug nods. “Negative. I think social change is coming. In fact it’s already stated, and this .. story - encourages people to avoid things that might contradict them, instead of learning to appreciate it.”  
Stone stepped back again.

Doug saw an opportunity and took it. “I think our audience will be severely disappointed to know this came from the same mind as .. say the story I brought the other day. The one with the shapeshifter.”  
“I recall.”  
“Of course, there's nothing wrong with either, but … We wouldn’t want to lose paying customers over this. News has already spread that you fired Benny, and more news will spread if you continue to make creative changes where our audience have come to expect more.”  
Stone is clearly thinking.

Doug waits.  
Stone looks him dead in the eyes. “We need positive press coverage, and we need it now.”  
Doug claps his hands together. “That is the kind of decision making a man in your position needs to take.”  
“So glad you agree. But how do we broaden our demographic so quickly?”  
Doug leans in. “I say we play them at their own game. I say we pick a story that will be recognised by a community already making headway. Nothing extreme, but something that maybe inspires hope to someone outside of our general market.”  
Stone whispers. “Like .. women?”  
“Perfect sir. I think we can introduce a whole progressive subculture to our magazine and make the most before it either fizzles away, or expands into wider society.”

Stone looks terrified. “It might just be crazy enough to work.”  
“Shall I tell them to right a feminist master peice and we pick the most enlightening?”  
Stone smiles. “This .. is why you’re the man in the middle. Get it done.”

Doug has never been so proud of himself.


	11. Doris' brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Period typical violence in this chapter.

Jimmy was replaced from the flower shop. Nicky took it harder than Jimmy did, but Jimmy had been through worse. It only takes one rumor or accident to happen, and they always blame the sketchy young man they just took on. It’s how he ended up stealing in the first place. Nicky on the other hand was upset that their dream was going to take just a little longer, even if he does find another job, who knows where it’ll be or doing what.

Nicky couldn’t also help but notice a small gang of men was following Jimmy. That in itself is worrying, because Jimmy hasn’t done anything illegal since they met. It’s been months. Jimmy wouldn’t resort to stealing again. He knows it’ll only harm them in the long run. He knows he can ask if he needs something. He doesn’t need to steal.

Either way, they have a full weekend ahead of them. They’re going to clear Jimmy's apartment from top to bottom and see about moving in together. Then they could split the rent and put the rest toward savings. It was finally all coming together.

*

Doug basically skipped into the weekend. He couldn’t wait to rub it in Herb's face, but knowing Herb, he’d just smirk and claim the high ground.

Doug has a few ideas to help the quieter sides of society get their voices out there. The writers obviously have experience in what they’re writing about, so it should only make sense that he gets to know what struggles the everyday person faces and bring it to light using Mr Stone and claim it in the name of capitalism.

Stone would easily sell out for money if he can prove it’ll profit.

Speaking of struggling people, he really wanted to drop by the cafe Benny’s girlfriend works at. Hopefully she got the message from that fellow at the secret bar. Maybe if she heard the good news, she could visit him and he could get his story published elsewhere, or at a later date. Doug was sure he could make a difference now. One step at a time, he will prove to stone that the people can handle new things.

Or can they?

Doug is sure he just spotted those two men they spoke to that night walking down a different street. Doug nearly calls for them, until he sees a small gang following.  
“Oh no.” He breaths.

Doug looks for the nearest phone booth. Then as he picks it up he wonders. Is he doing more harm than good? What if they’re going to the safe place and he’s about to rat them out?

He shakes his head. That bar is down narrow dark alley ways. Even if they were going that way, that gang is obviously up to no good. He dials the number.

“Hello, 911, what’s your emergency?”  
“Hello, I’d like to call the police. A group of young men wearing black just passed me, headed toward 5th. I think they had weapons.” He lied, but he can’t tell them the truth. He knows why they’re following those men in particular.  
The woman on the other side pressed some buttons. “I’m patching you through now. Can I take a name?”  
Doug had to decide if he wanted them to have his name. Then realised how cowardly that sounds. “Doug Pabst.”

*

Nicky had noticed they were being followed before they even met. He’s scared to walk them home in case the gang follow them. He can’t walk them to the safe place because it’ll give them away. He can’t stop walking or they’ll catch up, and this late at night, there's nowhere public enough to hide.  
Jimmy whispers. “Why are we walking this way?”  
“We just need to stay on the main roads.”  
“Why?”  
“Just keep walking.” Nicky can feel his heart beating too fast. He can’t even explain to Jimmy what they’re running from. He can just walk and pray they bump into a police officer on the beat.

The gang gets slightly closer. Nicky doesn’t look back. He speeds their walk up slightly. Jimmy hesitantly moves with him.

The gang call out to him. “Hey! Jimmy. We just wanna talk.” Followed by laughter.

Nicky tries to control his breathing. “Don’t look back, just keep walking.”  
Jimmy hears him, but he can hear the heavier footsteps following them getting louder.

A few of the young men run ahead and slow them down from the front. Nicky grabs Jimmy's jacket and drags him across the road, but the main group chase after them and easily surround them.

If there is a god, Nicky is praying to him. Jimmy looks around, defensively pushing Nicky behind him. Nicky tries to stand up from himself but Jimmy won’t have it.

The head gang member opens his arms. “Jimmy, right?”  
Jimmy nods, noticing that they’re being walked backwards.  
The ring leader steps forward. “I’m Doris’ brother, and she told me the most interesting thing about you the other day. Do you know what she said?” He starts circling them.  
Jimmy answers. “She wanted to go out. Well I had plans-”  
“Oh no no, that's not what I heard.”

Jimmy can feel Nicky physically shaking. The circle is getting slowly smaller.

The ring leader keeps talking. “See, what I heard, is that you rejected my sister, for one on one time with this … freak right here. And you know what that tells me? It tells me that there's something wrong with the two of you-”  
It just occurred to Jimmy why Nicky is freaking out. This isn’t a mugging. It’s an execution. Jimmy did his best. “Hey! What have you been smoking to get a conclusion like that-”  
“Oh cut the crap. You don’t think anyone noticed the way you disappear off together? You’re little meetings after work? This guy hasn’t been near a woman since he moved into town-”  
Jimmy shoved the ring leader. “You take that back!”  
Nicky tried to pull Jimmy back, but that only encouraged the rest to jump in and pulled him away, putting Nicky on the ground and separating them. Jimmy obviously spun to Nicky’s aid, but was also kicked to the ground.

Nicky had already curled into a ball. Jimmy kept trying to get up, but one fist after another, random kickings, the group above them taking joy out of their suffering and laughing openly.

Nicky’s prayers were answered when he heard the high pitched whistle of a police officer. The kicking quickly stopped and they ran. The officer fell to his knees and sent his deputy to call for an ambulance. All he remembers after that was his head and back hurting. His ribs took a lot of that, but their boots made some serious dents around his spine.  
“You’re okay, son, just hang on for an ambulance.” The office said.  
Nicky just shook and tried to turn to Jimmy. He couldn’t move enough to see if he was okay.  
“Stay still. You took a hell of a hit there.”  
Nicky could barely find the air in his lungs. “Jimmy? Is .. Is he …”  
Then the sound of the ambulance in the background.

The deputy waved it over and Nicky passed out when he saw the bright lights.


	12. Sentencing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember that bittersweet ending I promised...

Doug kissed his wife goodbye. Their weekend plans have been put on hold. He’s been called from the hospital. The police have a few questions about an incident that was called in yesterday. Doug prays that they’re okay, but by the sounds of it, it wasn't pretty.

One journey later, Doug is directed to the right room and is stopped by two officers. One taller man with a few scars, and a shorter man dressed exactly the same as him. The shorter one pulled out a notepad. “Mr Pabst, I assume?”  
“Yes. Can I ask why I’ve been called to the hospital?”  
The taller one answered. “Yeah, dispatches were called last night at about 11:30 PM about a gang looking to cause trouble. When our guys got there, they found two men beaten half to death in the street.”  
The shorter one spoke up. “You wanna tell us what you saw?”

Doug chose his words carefully. “I saw exactly what you described. A dangerous looking group out looking to cause mischief. Do you think they beat these men up?”  
The shorter one spoke. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”  
The taller one pointed to a single bed with a man covered in bandages in it. “Do you recognise that man?”  
Doug did know that man. Nicky. “Yes.”  
“Where from?”  
“I used to work with a friend of theirs. Benny.”  
The shorter one took notes. “And Benny knew Nicky?”  
“No, I don’t think so. But Jimmy knew both of them. Where’s Jimmy?”  
The taller one moved him away from the bed. “He was in much worse shape. By the looks of things, he fought back. Nicky came out looking suspiciously okay.”  
Doug frowned. “Are you suggesting something?”  
The shorter one grinned. “Not at all. Just stating the facts.”  
The taller one walked him away. “We will call you if we have any more questions.”  
Doug was walked out of the ward.

*

Nicky took slow deep breaths. The hospital was noisy. He can’t move well from all the bandages. Who knows how much this is going to cost him? He needs to find Jimmy. He just hopes Jimmy is okay.

A nurse walks two police officers to his bedside.  
“Nicky, this is detective Ryan and officer Mulkahey. They have some questions for you about last night.”  
Nicky tries to sit up, but the pain that just shot through his side put him back down. “Where’s Jimmy?”  
The taller one cocks his head. “Little eager aren’t we?”  
Nicky struggles. “Just tell me he’s okay. We gotta get home. The dogs need feeding. We had plans.” He knows he’s rambing, but he’s stressing himself out.

“What were you doing out so late last night?” the shorter one asks.  
“We went out for a drink. When we came back out, we were followed. Jimmy tried to stand up for me, but there were too many. We couldn’t run away. We couldn’t call for help.”  
The taller one nods. “Well you should thank your lucky stars someone did call the police.”  
Nicky’s eyes widened. “Who?”  
The shorter one spoke. “You know a Douglas Pabst?”  
Nicky had to think really hard. He’s sure he met a Doug recently, but where?

The taller one spoke. “He said you both knew Benny?”  
Then it all came back. The bar. “Yeah .. I think Jimmy told me about him.”  
The shorter one leaned in. “And how do you know Jimmy?”  
“We got into a fight and found out we got a lot in common. We’ve been friends ever since.”  
The man wrote something down.

The taller one waited. “Is there any reason you’d be randomly attacked in the street?”  
Nicky shook his head. “I can’t think o’ one. I’m a very quiet person.”  
The shorter one nodded. “No relatives in the state. No emergency contacts. No girlfriend. No address in your wallet. Very quiet indeed.”  
Nicky frowned. “What’s any o’ that matter? I was beaten in the streets by a dangerous gang of thugs.”  
“And we’ll get to identifying them when we have all the facts.”  
Nicky frowned to himself. “Just tell me when I can get out of here and see Jimmy.”

The two men looked at each other.  
Nicky doesn’t trust that look. “What? What happened to him?”  
The shorter one sighed. “He’s dead.”  
Every drop of blood drained out of his face. He suddenly felt very heavy. “No.”  
The taller one spoke again. “He had serious organ damage. Bones broken in places they shouldn’t have been. There was nothing that could have been done.”  
Nicky shook his head. “You’re lying. You’re lying!”  
A nurse ran over to push back into bed.   
“You lying bastards didn’t save him on purpose!” And with that last comment, he was injected with something that knocked him out cold.

*

Nicky sat behind a glass screen. He twiddled his thumbs. It’s only been a few days. Most of him is fine, but he wishes he’d have tried harder. Maybe Jimmy would still be here if he’d have got up and fought back.

Doug sat down and picked the phone up. “How are you doing?”  
“To tell you truth, I wish I was fuckin’ dead.”  
Doug frowned.  
Nicky sighed. “I’m sorry. These past few days have been the worst of my life.”  
Doug felt his sorrow. “I’m so sorry about Jimmy. I’ve informed his family.”  
Nicky collapsed into crying.  
Doug jumped back in. “Nicky, don’t worry, he has a large community and family who are preparing everything. They’re doing everything they can to find who did this.”  
Nicky spoke through the tears. “They found Doris’s brother. That's why I’m in here, and not out there, making preparations with them.”

Guilt ran through Doug. Guilt like he’s never felt it before. “Nicky- I swear, I’ll do everything I can-”  
“Doug don’t. Just stop. I appreciate your help. You literally saved my life, but I already know they’re going to check my apartment for evidence, and I know they’ll find something, even if it’s completely irrelevant, they’ll use it.”  
Doug was confused.  
Nicky sighed. “If you had to prove someone was swinging for the other team, how would you do it?”  
Doug thought about that one. Every answer he came up with was something Nicky is guilty of.

Nicky laughed. “If I get put away, can you promise to do me a favour?”  
Doug looked up. “Anything.”  
“I have a pair of dogs. Big working dogs that ain’t never done a day's work in their lives. Just set ‘em free for me. They’ll have better chances on their own than locked in my backyard without me.”  
Doug nodded. “I can do one better.”

*

Weeks later, Nicky was sent to trial. He found out his attackers were all given the same sentence he was. He didn’t expect great results. His entire private life was put on display before a jury and he was deemed a pervert for what he did in his own home.

This cell wasn’t great, but he didn’t have to share. He’s not sure if the loneliness was good for his grief or not. He didn’t have to hide himself anymore. He openly admitted before the trial that he loved Jimmy. That they were more than friends. That they had plans. That everything they did was consensual. He even answered some very intimate questions that made a few members of the jury walk out.

No regrets. He wishes he could have done something to save Jimmy, but even then, their attempt to receive justice would only have been met by the same harsh criticism. 

He gets letters from Doug every week, updating him on the city and his dogs. He sends letters back expressing his joy, but the sad truth is that after he’s released, he’ll have to start all over again. He might not see his dogs ever again. He will just continue until he’s either killed, or gets arrested again. But Doug is slowly making progress in the real world, and maybe that will reduce his sentence, maybe even change the law altogether.

At the office, Doug tells the crew that the new plan is to write stories that appeal to as many people as possible. It doesn't matter what's in the story, as long as it ticks boxes. Of course Herb went nuts and wrote for anybody and everybody. Stories about all struggles in all walks of life concealed in a scifi coating. Kay was recognised as a female rights activist and a big name in the progressive movement. Albert even got cocky and wrote a few making the robots in the stories represent things and people who need a voice. As far as Doug was concerned, he just needs to show Stone that they can sell it, and they have.

The publishing company was becoming famous for the turn in agenda, especially considering Benny, Jimmy and Nicky’s stories.

Due to popular demand, Deep Space Nine was released.

Stone was put in his place.

Herb was proud of Doug, but still claims he is the reason it happened at all, which Doug knows is correct, but here they are.

From his cell, Nicky reads the headlines Doug sends him. He dreams of this place he and Jimmy built, and uses the news to support his dream. One day he’ll be innocent. One day, their people won’t be killed in the streets for things others deem inappropriate. One day, he’ll be considered normal. One day he might even see Jimmy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We humanoids are the product of millions of years of evolution. Our ancestors learned the hard way that what you don't know might kill you. They wouldn't have survived if they hadn't jumped back when they encountered a snake coiled in the muck. And now millions of years later, that instinct is still there."  
> \- Quark
> 
> Humans naturally fear things they don’t understand, and between now and the 1950’s, we do understand. Discrimination based on age, race, ability, class, religion, gender or sexual orientation should be a thing of a the past. A thing we look back on and learn from.
> 
> It is important that stories like this leave a hopeful impression, and offer positive reinforcement to those who are still scared of change, and the lifestyles of people they don’t understand.
> 
> I only wish I could have included more challenged subjects identifying the social differences between the past, and the present. Keep your chin up, people. Be patient. We’ve come a long way, even if the attitudes of the Federation seems a long way away, the world is not as divided and hateful as you think.


End file.
